Wrestling for Truth

I didn't set out to change the world - not even my little corner of it.  I simply decided to follow Jesus - and that made all the difference.

There are some scriptures that need to be lived...breathed...touched...wrestled...before they can ever be appreciated or understood.

I've long wrestled with Matthew16:24-26...

Then Jesus said to his disciples,  "Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me.  For whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me will find it.  What good will it be for someone to gain the whole world, and yet forfeit their soul?  Or what can anyone give in exchange for their soul?

For as long as I can remember all I ever really wanted to be was a farm wife and mom (well ok besides the occasional obsession with becoming an FBI Special Agent)...and yet that barefoot and pregnant train derailed as soon as it pulled away from the station.

While some dreams die hard - others refuse to die.

And yet the pages of my story continue to turn and the trajectory of my life has been radically altered.  For as it turns out God has in fact enlisted me to change the world...to help bring His Kingdom here on earth as it is in heaven.  And so I've set out to breathe light onto the streets of my community and change the face of African agriculture.  It looks nothing like I expected...more than I could have ever imagined...and yet ever different from the dreams of my heart.  It's living in this space...between the broken dreams and the new purpose...where the scriptures comes to life.

It's the place where I pick up my cross daily...

          ...to follow Him

Where I lose my life...

          ...only to be found

Where I seek first His kingdom...

          ...trusting the needed things will be given to me

And where I delight myself in Him...

          ...knowing He will give me the desires of my heart.

Traveon and Tyvon overlooking Lake Michigan

I wonder...will you meet me here?

Are you living in the unknown...the space in between...

standing on the edge of the cliff and staring out across the fog.







Sometimes there aren't easy answers...there is only choosing to press in, to live, breathe, touch and wrestle (with the scriptures)
   
          until they are not only true on the page...but have become true in your heart.

But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.  Matthew 6:33

Delight yourself in the Lord; And He will give you the desires of your heart.  Psalm 37:4

He's coming for you

Trying to introduce you to a relationship with Jesus is not the same thing as narrow-mindedly pushing my beliefs on you.  But I know sometimes it can come across that way.  And I'm sorry for the bad experiences you've had...with me...or other Christians...or the church.  I think the most devastating realization a true believer in Jesus Christ will ever have is if we come to find our actions have somehow led anyone further away from Christ.  I shudder the thought.

But the truth of the matter is...we probably have.  We're human...we're broken...we make mistakes.  The only thing that sets us apart is the fact that we've met the One...the only One...who covers all of our iniquities by His grace.

Evangelism is just one beggar telling another beggar where to find bread.  ~ D. T. Niles 

If I stop trying...I've stopped caring.  And I know you probably don't care -- and wish I would stop.  But. I. Can't.  Not as long as I have breath.

God created you -- for a purpose.

Above all -- to have a relationship with you because He loves you.

And nothing you've done...nothing...negates His endless pursuit of you.  

If you are...

     the poor...the downtrodden...the widow...the orphan...the abused...the passed by...the heartbroken.

If you are...

     the rich...the successful...the sufficient...the everyday normal...the girl next door.

If you are...

     the murderer...the liar...the secret sinner...the addict.

He's coming for you -- to set you free.  Free from sin -- free from the futile -- free from the aimless search to matter...to belong.

Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit who gives life has set you free from the law of sin and death. For what the law was powerless to do because it was weakened by the flesh, God did by sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh to be a sin offering. And so he condemned sin in the flesh, in order that the righteous requirement of the law might be fully met in us, who do not live according to the flesh but according to the Spirit.  Romans 8:1-4

And since He recruited me to His team...I'm coming too.*

Regardless of the walls you build - the resistance you give - your indifference and your mockery.

He's coming.

Because He loves you too much to stop.

For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.  Romans 8:38-39

*Fellow believers, let us invite the Holy Spirit into our evangelism efforts.  Being Jesus to one person might mean passing a book to an airplane seat companion in one instance and praying for a friend or laying out the Gospel in another.  It doesn't mean we need a bullhorn on a street corner.  Perhaps we should start every morning on our knees -- asking God to use us to reveal Himself to others as He sees fit...to our families...our co-workers...our neighbors...and strangers.  The only formula I know for evangelism...starts with prayer...follows the Holy Spirit...uses our obedience...and God shows up to do the work.  God is chasing His people...we are His mere instruments...let's not get this the other way around.

Our hands to play...

There are a few pivotal hands we'll be dealt in our lifetime...but it's up to us how we play them...if we choose to play them at all.

In the fall of 2006, on a plane headed westward, I returned from a foreign land with my heart completely rocked.  I had spent 10 days on the ground playing and loving the fatherless and orphaned.  At 30,000 feet in the air, I felt like I was ascending from the trenches…yet couldn't shake who i was leaving behind.  Not only the forgotten and abandoned...but the missionaries who had planted themselves there...in the hard places, among the least of these.  In a moment of revelation…I was dealt my pivotal hand...if those missionaries weren't there being the hands and feet of Jesus…who would be?  There wasn't a long line.

In a decision that seemed settled before the beginning of time...I offered the rest of my life to be used by my Heavenly Father…however He suited...in the hard places...on behalf of the least of these.

It was a decision that ultimately led me into neighborhoods I had previously never tread and into foreign lands I'd only read...but most importantly it led me closer to heart of the Father.

Some of us are born into a place of privilege...while others a place of struggle.  May I suggest our Heavenly Father knew exactly what He was doing when He planted you there?  There is a reason for your circumstances...healing for your heartache...and a home for your generosity...

There are purposes for your life that extend far beyond this earth and into the eternal.

But it's your hand...

How will you play it?

“Then the King will say to those on his right, ‘Come, you who are blessed by my Father; take your inheritance, the kingdom prepared for you since the creation of the world.  For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in,  I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.’

“Then the righteous will answer him, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink?  When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you?  When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?’

 “The King will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.'   

Matthew 25:34-40

The world needs men!

Despite the fact that Traveon slept most of the way through church with his head in my lap, I instigated the routine post-church question when we reached the car..."What is something you learned today?"  To my surprise, he responded without delay...

"The world needs men."

Yeah, we really do.  Godly men.

Our pastor gave a pretty strong call to action for "men to be men" - to lead their lives, wives and families with courage, boldness and conviction.  To serve humbly, out of love and have compassion for the vulnerable.  To be the kind of man worth following.  I think every woman...at least in her spirit...said amen.

I've had a journey with a particular scripture over the past few years.

Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.  Ephesians 5:22-24

I imagine doing the first read-over will stir a variety of emotions...it did for me too...so let me tell you where my journey began...

I was probably in my early 20's...a few years before Jesus came on the scene (of my heart)...when I first caught this scripture being read during weddings...and I had but one thought..."I will absolutely not have that scripture read during my wedding."  I very much marched to the beat of the I can do anything you can do better drum and I was certainly not going to sign up for a subpar position on Day 1 of my marriage.

But Jesus...

I have a good friend and sister in Christ who has battled this scripture with me several times over the course of our friendship.  She's had some hang-up's with submission and experienced an abuse of the definition in the past.  Naturally, this is going to raise a red flag.  And then she looks at me, knowing that I'm very driven and strong-willed, and therefore can't understand why I'm at total peace with it.  Not only can I imagine this scripture being read during my wedding someday...but I hope and I pray that my marriage would becoming a living example.

How's that for a 180?

But I'll take it a step further, I actually think a lot of women would be willing...and do I daresay, even desire, to submit to Godly husbands.  And I'm not referring to the guy who merely drags himself to church on Sundays...but rather...the kind of man who refuses to sit on the sidelines...who leads his family with courage and honor...who puts down the childish ways of the world and puts on the ways of God.

Let's keep reading a bit further onto verse 25..."Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her..." Did you catch that?  Christ died for the church.  He loved her. That. Much.  And He calls husbands to love their wives with the same intensity.  I'd imagine submission becomes just a tad bit easier when you've been swept clean off your feet.

When the pastor finished speaking, he invited the men who were making new or renewed commitments to the Lord or to their families...to come to the alter.  And within moments...kneeling...shoulder-to-shoulder...it was lined with men of God.

The world needs these men.

As I was holding back tears, taking in the sight of surrender at the alter, I leaned down and whispered in Traveon's ear..."You are going to break the cycle in your family Traveon, some day you will grow into a courageous man of God...you will be a faithful husband and a devoted father."  He looked up with a continuous nod...wanting the truth of those words to indeed prove true.

You see, he may be growing up fatherless...but he is not without a Father.

Even before he made the world, God loved us and chose us in Christ to be holy and without fault in his eyes. God decided in advance to adopt us into his own family by bringing us to himself through Jesus Christ. This is what he wanted to do, and it gave him great pleasure.  Ephesians 1:4-5

Happy Father's Day!

Unsafe Territory

I've wanted to be in the FBI, CSI or some form of investigatory law enforcement for as long as I can remember.  But among other factors, I allowed my dad, who likely didn't want his daughter to continually put herself in harms way...to talk me out of it.  I can't help but to think he'd rethink that decision if he could have predicted where I'd end up...continually running into dark places...to spread the light of Christ.  He'd probably prefer I carried a gun.

I don't want the territory where my feet tread to be safe for the kingdom of darkness.  There is a war for our souls on this earth...whether you ever choose to acknowledge it or not.  Our enemy will use whatever tactic necessary to keep us apart from God and move us toward destruction...through sin and bondage...apathy or deception -- he doesn't care which.

The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy...John 10:10

And so, I want to speak TRUTH where the Father of Lies has spoken...I want to bring freedom for those in captivity...I want to walk in the authority of Christ and disarm the enemy.

And this means running toward the darkness...armed by His grace and illuminated by His glory.

I want to leave everlasting footprints on those He's given me...

Those neighbors who live beside me...the co-workers who work beside me...friends...family...

...airplane seat companions...the hungry...the lost...the broken...even my enemies.

While I often don't get to see how their stories play out...I witness and serve as the Holy Spirit would lead me...sometimes with words...often with actions...fighting for the vulnerable...feeding the hungry...intersecting His Kingdom the moment their path crosses mine...

and trusting Him for those He's 'given' me...

It is a transitional year for many of the dear ones He's put in my path...and I don't know what their futures will bring.  I've been on my knees for these sweet souls with tears streaming down my face more times than I should probably admit...and I'd do anything to keep them safe and protected from the enemy.  But I can not control their decisions, the circumstances which will surround them, or the spiritual journeys they must embark.  I can only take every opportunity our sweet Lord bestows...to reveal Himself...to them....through me. 

I have revealed you to those whom you gave me out of the world. They were yours; you gave them to me and they have obeyed your word.  John 17:6

  For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.  Ephesians 6:12

Let's move away from boring...

(photo compliments of Holland)

I've had the opportunity recently to share a portion of my story with various youth groups in my community.  Perhaps one invitation in particular summed up the theme..."Can you share your Jesus adventures with the kiddos?"  Jesus adventures...hmmm...it resonated - because that's what they are you know.  Far and away the most exciting and purposeful chapters written in my life...were penned by Him.

But I realize as I write those words, they simply are not true for everyone...and I'm not talking about those who are living apart from Christ...but rather those who are trying to 'do the Christian life' and are quite frankly...bored...or worse yet...defeated.

It makes me ask...why?

I recently finished Perspectives which is a 15-week class with 15 different missional instructors...essentially helping participants understand what is God's purpose in it all...and therefore what is our individual purpose within that larger context.  People say it will ruin you for the ordinary (if Jesus hasn't already done that).  Offered in over 200 locations throughout the U.S. and more around the globe - I'd encourage you to check it out! 

One of our instructors was Brad Buser.  Brad has an energetic testimony that takes him from being a very talented, pot-smoking-California-surfer to a dedicated missionary, giving 20 years of his life making disciples among a previously unreached people group in Papua New Guinea.  But this detail alone isn't actually the most impressive part of his testimony, the part that struck me...was the youth pastor who influenced the radical transformation.  Brad called him Pastor Von...and he didn't describe him as anything particularly flashy or attractive...or even relevant or cool.  Instead, Brad described him by the way he unashamedly challenged his students...to become disciples of Christ and servants of His Kingdom.  I smile as Brad's words echo in my memory..."We don't need to raise any more nice Christian kids, we need servants of the Lord."  According to Brad's testimony, from 1977-1981, over thirty young people were commissioned as missionaries from Von's church.  Brad was one of those students.

Back to the why...

It seems to me that we tend to preach far more on cleaning people up than we do introducing them to the One who does the clean up.  And I get it...in the Christian community, sin makes us nervous...and so we do everything we can to strive for righteousness and try to encourage (just short of force) that righteousness onto our youth.  We're so scared of them falling into the ways of the world that we preach to convict...to keep them on the straight and narrow.  Now please hear me when I say...sometimes we need to hear the hard truth from the pulpit...but I want to take a slightly different spin...what if we trusted the Holy Spirit to do the conviction...and therefore we spent far more time talking about Jesus?

People say I had a radical conversion but in full disclosure, my sinful lifestyle didn't fall off me overnight.  It was a process...and in that process I kept my eyes on Him...not my sin.  And when you're striving for His purposes in your life...your sin tends to pale in comparison...until it seems rather absurd that you'd choose sin...over Him.

Before I began sharing my story, I glanced around the room at the young eyes looking back at me...and I saw them questioning my relevance.  I opened up with a question..."Who has ever been really bored with the Christian life?"

Nearly every honest hand went up...

Yeah...I thought so.

Let's move away from boring.

You see...I believe Jesus' purposes run much deeper than giving us a golden ticket to heaven...I believe his life, death and resurrection were necessary to reconcile our hearts to the Father...and only covered by His blood will we stand righteous before The King.  But I also believe...while on this earth...He has divine purposes designed for me...designed for you.  And those purposes may be described as many things...the least of which is...boring.  There is far too much darkness in this world...not to penetrate it with the Light.  And it's in those places where our torches shall burn (both locally and globally)...that we will find the greatest Jesus adventures.  And somewhere amid those adventures...from a place of truly being used by Him...we realize we are serving and do I daresay loving a holy God...and so we delight to respond...with righteousness.

For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.  Ephesians 2:10

...and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ—the righteousness that comes from God on the basis of faith.  Philippians 3:9

Interest piqued?  I'd love to share at your youth group or across the table (with a cup of coffee in hand of course).  I have a passion for mentoring young girls in the Lord and awaking the fire within us all to serve passionately in His Kingdom.  Would love to hear from you!

...but Christ

"You know I used to be a but Christian..." he said.  "You mean your Christian walk merely consisted of sitting on your butt in a church pew each Sunday?" I asked with a raised eyebrow and a smile .  He laughed.  "Well no, but that may have been the result.  No, I mean I would always pray 'but' prayers, 'God I'll do anything, but don't ask me to sell my house...God I'll go anywhere but don't send me to a 3rd world country.' And so I spoke with some of the guys in church about it because I knew it needed to change.  They told me to stop focusing on trying to give things up and instead focus on falling more in love with Christ.  I guess it worked, our house is on the market and I'm willing to go wherever He leads."

That's the heart of it isn't it?  Being in love with Jesus Christ.  I have a friend who occasionally hits the wall of frustration when he can't motivate his church folks to tangibly engage in the service needs of his community.*  You can only strategize, expose the need and develop creative ways to serve so many times...and then you begin to wonder...why isn't this working?  Where is the spirit of Isaiah declaring 'Here I am, send me?'  My only answer would be to shift the focus...away from the need to serve and toward falling more in love with Christ.**  And His love...will absolutely, unashamedly lead people to service...allowing good works to flow from a changed heart vs. obligation...but make no mistake...good works should come...

What good is it, dear brothers and sisters, if you say you have faith but don’t show it by your actions? Can that kind of faith save anyone? Suppose you see a brother or sister who has no food or clothing, and you say, “Good-bye and have a good day; stay warm and eat well”—but then you don’t give that person any food or clothing. What good does that do?  So you see, faith by itself isn’t enough. Unless it produces good deeds, it is dead and useless.  
James 2:14-17

I recently helped with a YouthHope girls' retreat, trading the Rock Island city limits for the fresh air at Camp Summit.  As we were sitting around the camp fire that evening, laughing at the silliness of our game time and allowing space for honest conversation and hurts to surface...I assembled my s'more and watched the fire bounce and reflect in their eyes.

The reflection demanded an answer...why isn't someone from the church (any Christian) mentoring each one of these girls?  They need someone to stand alongside them, doing life and modeling good decisions.  Being the Body of Christ...reflecting Jesus.

Maybe they've been bitten by the 'but' syndrome.  I would...but I'm busy, but I'm scared, but I don't know what I'm doing....but....

 ...but Christ.

For Christ’s love compels us, because we are convinced that one died for all, and therefore all died. And he died for all, that those who live should no longer live for themselves but for him who died for them and was raised again.

So from now on we regard no one from a worldly point of view. Though we once regarded Christ in this way, we do so no longer. Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!  2 Corinthians 5:14-17

_____________________

*This same individual is simultaneously blown away by other followers of Christ who radically lay down their lives for the sake of others...

**I'm not saying the church shouldn't provide opportunities to serve, teach the Biblical importance of serving, etc. because I believe they absolutely should.  Rather I hope you can see the heart behind the shift of focus which I'm trying to portray.