Open palm surrender

I have learned that praying to submit and actually submitting are two very different things. I had become very good at hanging onto those things that I wanted to keep, with tightly clenched fists...all the while praying to give them up. I picture God responding..."I'm not going to take them from you child...I'll patiently wait until you give them to me."

But His patiently waiting took the form of repeatedly teaching me the same lessons over and over again...until finally...with open palms...I released them.

Awhile ago, as sleep alluded me, I caught a Joni Eareckson Tada special on TV. For those of you who do not know her story, I encourage you to look her up, she's an amazing gem. She was left quadriplegic after a diving accident in 1967, leaving behind a 17 year old healthy, athletic body. Her story is inspiring, but her faith is astounding. Something that she said during the special never left me...it was her cry out to God from her hospital bed after the accident. If God claimed to be all loving, and use every circumstance for good...she was going to be his testing ground. For in her paralysis, she had nothing else to gain...than to test God's goodness, his purpose, his love, and completely surrender to his will.

You can imagine Joni will never claim to have led an easy life. But amazingly you will never hear her doubt God's love or purpose either. God uses her in amazing ways from the chair, in ways that she simply could not have be used on her legs. (Some may question did God do this to her? I personally don't at all believe so. But I do believe that God is willing to use the circumstances of a broken world...for good.)

I was moved by her surrender. Instead of choosing bitterness, she chose to believe. And isn't belief the first step towards willful submission? After some reflection, I realized that I was refusing to submit, because I was actually refusing to believe. Refusing to believe that what he had planned for me was greater than what I could create for myself...even in the areas I wanted desperately to control. So with open palms...I prayed again...

"Thank you child...I was just getting ready to pry." :)

This is why we're here

It is hard to imagine...one of the first teens I met at the youth center...who first made me feel welcome...then suckered me into buying him McDonald's...is off to college tomorrow.

We laughed tonight as we reflected on those early days. The days when I remember being the intimidated girl in the corner wondering what on earth I was doing at the center...let alone how I was going to start building relationships with those kids.

It is hard to imagine that same girl stood on his doorstep tonight in tears...sending him off to school.

I came back to the youth center with my summer intern, who is also preparing to return to the same school...and it was quiet...and dark...and I just looked around for a moment...gazing at the walls of that center..."this is it Christina...this is why we're here...to develop more Christopher's."

Christopher overcame more than most of us can imagine to be able to stand where he is standing. And it was such a blessing to see aspects of our ministry kick into action to bless him. Granting him our CF Scholarship to help with his tuition...and finding a very generous couple...very close to my heart...to fund his books.

Christopher can not control the situation or income-level he was born into...any more that we can control the weather. But look what we can do...together. Don't tell me we can't change the world...it happens...one heart at a time.

Father God I pray blessings and guidance over Christopher's life. I pray in his moments of weakness, you will grant him strength. I pray he never forgets your saving grace and that his heart remains focused on you. He's beyond our reigns now God...but we're confidently turning them over to you...realizing that you've had them all along. Bless and Keep him. In Christ's name I pray...Amen.

Blessed with discomfort

As I sat and listened to Craig Groeschel, Senior Pastor of LifeChurch.tv give his concluding remarks at this year's Leadership Summit I was unexpectedly moved to tears. I turned my head down towards my lap in the feeble attempt to remain unnoticed. It was here, much to my dismay...anguish swept through me...and the tears fell unapologetically. Embarrassment might have threatened had I not caught a glimpse of my co-worker losing the same battle...as he discreetly wiped away his own tears.

Craig concluded with a prayer for us from a Franciscan Benediction. I'll share with you the same...

May God bless you with discomfort at easy answers, half truths, and superficial relationships, so that you may live deep within your heart.

May God bless you with anger at injustice, oppression, and exploitation of people, so that you may work for justice, freedom and peace.

May God bless you with tears to shed for those who suffer from pain, rejection, starvation, and war, so that you may reach out your hand to comfort them and to turn their pain in to joy.

And may God bless you with enough foolishness to believe that you can make a difference in this world, so that you can do what others claim cannot be done.

Some nights I don't like the discomfort that owns my soul. I don't like the heartbreak I have for this community. I don't like the images of the Romanian orphans that run rampant in my head. And I don't like the realities my kids face when I drop them off at night.

But God didn't ask me to like it. He asked me to share in his heartbreak...and then do something about it.

May God bless you with discomfort.

Love, Alysha

I began reading a youth ministry book awhile ago. I still remember the chapter when he talked about the night he decided to quit his job, cash in and throw in the towel and leave youth ministry behind. But then he got up the next morning...and didn't tell anyone of his decision...and he went into work and started a new day. Some twenty years later, still in youth ministry, he wrote the book.

I have nights like that. Tonight was wrapping up to be one of them. So I was telling God about it..."I'm not sure what you're doing with me here God...except convincing me that I should not be in children's ministry. I'm honestly not good at it...and what difference is it making anyway?"

I walked down to my mailbox and found a card nestled between the junk mail...I opened it up...and He answered...

Brandy -
I just wanted to write you a quick note telling you how much I've appreciated working with you - you are a true blessing. You are called to children's ministry. It was so great to see you interact with the kids. The love of Jesus is so obvious in your life. The work you do is so hard. The ups and downs are there but Jesus is so constant. Keep depending on Him and clinging to his promises. You are changing lives.

I thought the "Love, Alysha" at the bottom was a nice disguise - using a summer camp counselor to cover his identity. :)


And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds. Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching. Hebrews 10:24-25

Two Sides

While emailing with the pastor's wife, she asked me to Google "cardboard testimonies" and then let her know if I'd be willing to participate in this weekend's church services, where they'd be recreating the concept. (You may want to Google it yourself and watch the YouTube video.)

She encouraged me that they could use a testimony such as mine. I Googled...I watched...and thought "sure, why not?"

Then she asked the obvious question that suddenly seemed difficult, "Now we have to decide what to put on yours. I was thinking about the fact that you gave up a very lucrative job to work with underprivileged kids or that you got saved and soon responded to a call to ministry, etc. How would you best describe what God has done in you?"

I read her suggestions...and somehow reflecting on my career didn't seem to answer her real question...how would I best describe what God has done in me? So I nestled into my couch and stared at the blank document before me...and began to type...her ideas...then my ideas...copy...paste...cut...move this here...no that's not right. Wait...that's getting closer. Hmmm...that's starting to speak to my heart...yeah...that's it.

I began to read it out loud...but didn't finish without tears steaming down my face. And that's how I knew...this is in fact what God has done in me.

You see by the time I came to Christ...I had a past...and I was in an emotionally broken present...and quite sure I had derailed His plans for my future.

So this morning I nervously...somberly took the stage...with my cardboard testimony...

Broken...sinful...divorced...wondering if He still had a plan for me.

but a smile began bleeding through...because I know now...what I didn't know then...my cardboard testimony...has two sides. So I flipped it over...

Restored...responding to His call into full time ministry.

Many brave souls shared their heart-wrenching testimonies today...set free from addictions, adultery, abuse and everything in between. We covered a vast variety of hurt and sin...but people didn't remember our differences...instead they remembered what we shared the same...the undeniable intervention of Christ. God's saving grace.

If you've ever wondered...if there's more...if you've ever wondered if there's purpose...if you've ever wondered...if there's a plan for YOU...if you've ever felt as though everything in world has been stripped away and you are at the very bottom...rest assured...Christ will meet you there.

There are two sides to your testimony.

True Grace

This afternoon, we had a camp celebration for the 5th & 6th graders to touch base with them before school starts and camp fades into a distant memory. We ended the program with the raffle of a new bike, but kept the prize a secret until the end.

There were two kids in the back who continually caused a disruption during the program. As I'm having a "moment" with one of them in the hallway, I'm reminded why he continually tested my nerves at camp. I threatened to take his raffle ticket away, which generated the typical response, "I don't care." The prize was still unknown and truthfully, like most of us, he was probably plagued with the reality that his chances weren't that good of winning anyway.

Nevertheless I offered him a choice, take his ticket and go respectfully sit down or give me the ticket and stay in the hallway. Moments later, he was sitting with his ticket in hand. But the pep talk didn't last long I thought, as less than five minutes later I was once again holding his chances of winning the bike.

But as the message came to a close and the bike was revealed...one word danced through my head. Grace. I reluctantly walked over to him, bent down and quietly asked "Do you know what grace is?" He shook his head. "It's receiving something that we don't deserve. None of us deserved Christ to die for our sins...but he did it anyway. You do not deserve this ticket...but I'm going to give it to you anyway. That's grace."

As he got off the bus during drop off, I hollered out the door..."You remember what grace is Raequan?" And as he wheeled his new bike up to his doorstep, he flashed a priceless smile over his shoulder, that let me know...at least for today...he did.

Later that night, I passed Raequan on the streets. He was surrounded by about 5-6 kids showing off his new bike. I was still slightly in awe that he had actually won, and I still wasn't convinced he deserved it...but I was reminded...after all...that is true grace.