One Forgotten

I had a K-3 club tonight and had just gathered the group into the big room for message. The phone rang and I reluctantly ran for it...most nights it is too chaotic to deal with the phones...but tonight I did..."Brandy...are you coming for pickup soon?" I wearily respond..."pick up is over...we're almost done with club"...a pause..."you forgot me". My heart sunk. When I returned to center tonight with the second load - I had a weird feeling that I should have went to Century Woods - but gave my list another quick scan and all seemed accounted for. But tucked in between two names...was Jabari...who had called...who was on the list...who I had overlooked. I sat there...it was time for message...club would practically be over by the time I went to get him. As I tried to explain...disappointment drenched his voice...finally I stopped..."I'll be right there".

"Stall the message...I'll be right back" I went after one...but returned with six. What is it about the Sunshine van that attracts them? :) In the end...my pick up error fit seamlessly into my message...like it was planned all along. One forgotten...six returned...one forgiven.

What is it going to cost you?

Just before deciding to take this leap into ministry, I attended a training conference with Christina, the Moline Children's Director to test the water. During the event, a veteran inner-city youth worker spoke about what this type of ministry costs. He gave examples of picking kids up for camp...not finding them at home...hunting them down at a cousin's house...or walking down the street...unpacked...unprepared. You make a decision...you have 40 other kids to tend to...it is easy to drive away...after all, it is unreasonable to be expected to cater to this one. But...he did. On his way out of town...he found his missing camper walking down the street...loaded him up...made a quick trip to Wal-mart for clothes...and headed off to camp. He later learned that this kid had been out selling drugs all night...and still had his pockets full...but half way through camp week, flushed everything down the toilet...and came home changed for life. What is it going to cost you?

Christina and I went out to camp last night to help with staff training. We each spoke about the realities of this work. She shared what our kids will likely go through the morning of their camp...and it isn't a mother packing their bags...feeding them breakfast...and hurrying them out the door. Many of our kids will be tiptoeing around their homes...in fear of waking their mothers...who may be passed out...trying to gather their own belongings...hoping they still get to go...getting yelled at...threatened...left with younger siblings to watch...the list goes on. Many will be emotionally beat down by the time they actually get on the bus. She stressed the importance of our reactions...body language...and emotions. It might take 45 minutes to track down one child...but you do. What is it going to cost you?

They asked me to speak about sacrifice. Through this experience I've learned that one of my biggest sacrifices to bear isn't necessarily the financial end...while that is a big sacrifice...but instead simply giving up a "normal" life. I thought it was relevant for our camp counselors who may grow weary and envious of their friends who are having "normal" summers. We ended up talking to one of the counselors for an hour in the middle of the woods at 11 o'clock at night...about some tough questions she had...helping her deal with her fears and strengthening her faith. One of many unplanned...inconvenient...late nights at CF...that hopefully made a difference. Driving home...a question running through my head...what is it going to cost you?

Filled Space

Gearing up for summer camp...the interns have arrived! Dodgeball: Staff 1...Interns 0. Training week - CPR and First Aid down. As I type...Arabryana's voice fills the quiet space my condo used to know...as she yaks on her cell phone. She's one of our interns...from out of town...my new part time roommate. When she's not at camp - she'll be staying with me. When they asked for hosts a couple weeks ago...without thought...my hand shot up. When panic hit...I (shamefully) tried to back out...but the street corner wasn't an option. :) Already in our first few conversations...it's clear she should be here...I look forward to what the summer will bring.

Girls of Grace...took a different spin this week...as one girl was in the hospital for her diabetes. But girls still need grace in the hospital...so we went for a visit! In our surroundings...we supplemented the bible study for a battle on the Nintendo GameCube (provided by the Starlight Starbright Children's Foundation - what a great cause!)

I brought the rest of the girls back to my place afterwards for supper and they played around with my digital camera. They had me post the pics on MySpace so they could get them. Imagine my smile...as I looked at one of their profiles with the new pic...her tag line changed to "A Girl of Grace" replacing something far more inappropriate. Small victories.

God bless mothers...who never stop cooking for their daughters. God bless the filled space.

Fishing

Sunshine and summertime! Off and running with camp sign ups! We dedicated our Saturday trooping around the neighborhoods...deeming ourselves the fisherman of children! Who could we find to sign up for camp!?! A different perspective is gained once again...experiencing the neighborhoods on foot vs. through the windshield of the van. Some welcomed us in...while others remained outside. The experiences on the inside varied. Most qualify for free camp which requires significant paperwork. You find yourself writing as fast as humanly possible...peaking at their info so that you can copy it on the other forms. Praying they don't lose their patience...right beside the hopes of their kids. Sixteen signed up in one day...I'm told that's a huge success.

Looking forward to summer...and camp! I hired an intern today to help with summer programming...seems like a blessing as she comes with a huge heart for inner-city ministry and experience!

Picking up Friday night...20 somethings come up to the van..."can we come?"..."um you might be a little old for kid night." "Nah...I'm just kidding...we used to come back in the day."

To think it all started when one tiny woman decided to cross the tracks to the wrong side of town and try to make a difference...armed with only her bible. 71 years later...2 youth centers and a camp...I'd say she made quite a catch.

The Living Word

So now that I don't feel like quitting any more...I can admit that this weekend I did. Overwhelmed...under qualified...the list goes on. For someone that absolutely knows that God called them to this ministry...I sure do spend a lot of time in doubt.

I think God knows when you need to use a life line...an uncle recently pointed me to 2 Corinthians 12:7-10 where Paul was suffering a "thorn in the flesh" and asked the Lord to remove it, but Jesus said to him "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness."

Sufficient...not abundant. I remind myself of this daily...especially the bad days...and so far when I close my eyes...His grace was in fact sufficient.

They call it the Living Word...and so many days it divinely amazes me. I'm learning the importance of "spending time with God" (especially in this ministry). There have been days when I've opened the Bible, and wasn't even sure where to go...some days it is in frustration with God..."ok...I'm here...don't know where I’m looking...don't know what I'm doing...I'm frustrated...but I'm here"...and then I flip and somehow land on a verse that absolutely captivates me. And I wonder...how can a book written so long ago speak to me? How can words written years before my time perfectly relate to my circumstance? How did people living in those times...understand these times? It is in these moments when I start to understand why they call it...the Living Word.

Left for You

Sometimes we think that because we don’t have particular backgrounds or experience...we are unqualified to pursue certain dreams. Or perhaps we think that it is too late to pursue those dreams by the time they are realized. We place timetables on ourselves to deem what is acceptable...and if we’ve surpassed those timetables we think it is too late. Maybe those dreams are left for someone younger...someone worldlier...someone different...someone else. But I think these are our own restrictions we’ve conformed to...for I don’t think God wears a watch. Maybe those dreams are left for you.

Girls of Grace

My first John Deere co-worker used to eat, breath, and sleep drum corp growing up. Truthfully in the beginning I didn't even know what that was. But throw her into the mix at CF with a few girls...a few flags...and a Christian beat...and the possibilities are endless. Day 1 CF Color Guard...three girls...lots of excitement. As she left...they were asking to practice again...coming up with a cool name...recruiting other girls...and talking about making team T-shirts.

God works in funny ways...a book I had put on my bookshelf this morning...and flipped through later today wondering if it would be a good bible study for the girls...and then put back on the shelf after deciding it was too soft...was the same book the girls commented on as they hung out in my office after color guard. It is the same book that my new small group will be studying the next several weeks. CF proudly presents the "Girls of Grace".

I felt God

“If you were a non-believer...what would you be thinking if you sat through the service today listening to all of those people talk about how accepting God into their heart has made such drastic changes in their life?” “That’s easy” I replied. “It wasn’t that long ago that I was sitting in that seat...I’d think they were all nuts” :)

Courage poured from them today...as they shared different levels of brokenness: alcoholism...self-centeredness...suicide...depression...into a new life of hope with Christ. One woman sobbed through her tears “I just hope that I can touch and encourage one person out there, to not waste as many broken years as I have.” They all shared stories of peace and contentment...and new found purpose. Among them...nestled in between their testimonies...a troubled youth shared his story. Terrance was baptized today. The quietest shyest teen at the youth center...spoke in front of hundreds...sharing his transformed life in Christ. What did it feel like when you crossed over and accepted Christ, the pastor asked...in three words Terrance replied..."I felt God".

Maybe we all are nuts...but today...it was worth it.

Instruction Manual

It’s a fine line they walk...that’s what everyone keeps saying about our kids. Everyday I learn how fine that is. Tonight I watched as they escorted three kids away from the center in the back of a police car. But not just any kids...two who had been out to camp with me last weekend...one of which is my all time “favorite”, Aubrey. “Ma’am what do you want to do, do you want to press charges?” All I can think about is if they are going to take these kids...should I...can I come pick them up from the station?

We run two Saturday programs, one during the day, then a teen program at night. In between the two, the center is closed for a couple hours. Enough time for a few kids to come early, get bored, throw rocks and bust a window block at the youth center while we were out to eat. A neighbor called the cops. We returned right before the cops arrived. The kids were still there...waiting for the center to open...personifying the fine line, risking getting caught to be able to hang out at the center. Aubrey...scared and sincere...confessed what happened. But in the end, we had to let the cops take all three to file the report. The second the officer told them to get in the car, Aubrey broke out in tears...along with my heart.

I wish this job came with an instruction manual.

The kids surprise you. One heartfelt conversation changes your perspective. Usually I’m humbled to realize that I can’t begin to relate to their circumstance...and my patience grows.

One of our teen staff is getting baptized tomorrow.