Awhile back, I started listening to Christian music more than any other genre...but truth be known, country runs in my veins. On occasion...my dial would lead me back home. But have you ever realized how depressing country music can be? I had been on a several month hiatus from country...doing the Christian thing. And Christian music doesn't let you stay down...even in the troughs...you learn to stand on hope. But this country deal let's you wallow. And I wasn't ready for wallowing...flip that dial. Tried again a few months later. Nope...not yet. But this week...I needed my fix...and I listened. Perhaps I hit some upbeat songs...or maybe I'm in a happier place...but I've gone country once again. Love Christian...but I'll always need my country. :) Cleaning my place...rocking out to Mountain Music...never felt so good. Oh I know someone hears me.
Bible study again this morning...talked about reframing our past...with God in the picture. Oh what a different picture that paints. We can't help but remember our pasts...our hurts...our shames...but once we have given those over to God...we no longer need to wear our reproach that is attached to them...for He's already worn it for us...and might wonder why we are wearing the same thing. God is good. All the time.
Wednesday, October 31, 2007
Tuesday, October 30, 2007
Without love...it's just the law
Tyvon is not moving...at least for now. I'm getting to know his mom and his grandma better. Getting in with the kids is relatively simple...tearing down the walls to get closer to their families is a bit harder. A parent once told me that you love anyone who loves your kids. Hope this holds true. In a Beth Moore Bible study last week, Believing God, she talked about the heritage you leave your kids. “Without the love...it’s just the law.” She was referring to how we should raise God loving, God fearing children. Many kids will take the fire insurance...anybody can be scared away from hell. But they need to understand that if they miss His love...if they miss His grace...they’ve missed it all...they’ve missed life.
Monday, October 29, 2007
How are you doing?
It was a question I was asked yesterday. But not in the generic...not really wanting to know or even waiting for an answer sort of way. But in a "I know what you've been through...how are you actually doing" sort of way. Truthfully it was the first time in a long time that I slowed down long enough to consider it.
The rest of the day I played the question over and over again in my head. Simple enough question, I could even count the hundred times throughout the day I was asked it. But this one...was different.
It wasn't only me wrestling with the answer that captivated me. It was the feeling that someone genuinely cared to wait for a heartfelt response.
It has me thinking...what a simple gesture we could all mimic. Taking the time for compassion...taking the time for people. Slowing down our business to actually find out...
How are you doing today?
The rest of the day I played the question over and over again in my head. Simple enough question, I could even count the hundred times throughout the day I was asked it. But this one...was different.
It wasn't only me wrestling with the answer that captivated me. It was the feeling that someone genuinely cared to wait for a heartfelt response.
It has me thinking...what a simple gesture we could all mimic. Taking the time for compassion...taking the time for people. Slowing down our business to actually find out...
How are you doing today?
Friday, October 26, 2007
One of those nights
I've been trying to form words for my feelings...but how? I drove home tonight knowing I should be in tears...but unable. I drove home tonight wondering if I've grown detached...but heartbroken. I drove home tonight...and the garage door closed behind me...and the tears exploded. I hit my knees on my garage floor - Lord no child should endure this.
When it's late, and you're spent...and you just want the night to be over. You have to muster from somewhere inside that loving voice..."come on guys...get back in the van...we'll go on an adventure." They are locked out. Their phone is shut off. Their neighbor will not take them in. Their 9 year old brother tries to stand up as the "man of the family" and decide where they should go.
I return to the center...three kids in tote.
"It's one of those nights Brandy." "Oh no...what's going on?"
"One of those nights" is our seemingly popular tag line...which usually means that it is going to be a late one. Late...for a variety of reasons. "You won't believe who just walked in...Dude." "Dude" is a name Chris and Willie have given to a few different kids...who show up randomly...usually have deeper issues going on...who will add several hours to the night...who we never turn away.
We know sometimes our patience grows thin. It is unpredictable the night or the hour they will walk through our doors...but it is in these nights...in these hours...they most need to experience His love. God...give us the strength.
When it's late, and you're spent...and you just want the night to be over. You have to muster from somewhere inside that loving voice..."come on guys...get back in the van...we'll go on an adventure." They are locked out. Their phone is shut off. Their neighbor will not take them in. Their 9 year old brother tries to stand up as the "man of the family" and decide where they should go.
I return to the center...three kids in tote.
"It's one of those nights Brandy." "Oh no...what's going on?"
"One of those nights" is our seemingly popular tag line...which usually means that it is going to be a late one. Late...for a variety of reasons. "You won't believe who just walked in...Dude." "Dude" is a name Chris and Willie have given to a few different kids...who show up randomly...usually have deeper issues going on...who will add several hours to the night...who we never turn away.
We know sometimes our patience grows thin. It is unpredictable the night or the hour they will walk through our doors...but it is in these nights...in these hours...they most need to experience His love. God...give us the strength.
Saturday, October 20, 2007
A lot like the weather
"As we think about having a Godly reputation, is there anything I can be praying for you about?" I ask.
Tyvon's 3rd grade hand shot up..."Yeah...that we won't do drugs." "Do you know people that do them?" I inquire. "Yeah, outside my house they do all the time."
Quite frankly, I already knew this - he certainly lives in one of the more "active" corners of Century Woods. But...I guess I didn't realize that he would know the difference. Kids aren't as naive as I'd like to believe. He put in a bad day today, but that was obvious when he walked in...often times whatever is going on at home...is somehow painted on them when they arrive. A side of him surfaced that I had never seen before. Even the best behaved kids are still affected by their environments. Each time this reality hits me...it stings all over again.
"Brandy are you dressing up for Halloween?"..."I don't know - what should I be?"..."You could be a mustard seed!" Dakari responded with a big smile...as he remembered our "faith as small as a mustard seed" message from weeks before.
Sometimes there is a steady breeze...while others it comes and goes with the storm. Some storms never seem to end...while others are followed by a rainbow. Emotions are a lot like the weather.
Tyvon's 3rd grade hand shot up..."Yeah...that we won't do drugs." "Do you know people that do them?" I inquire. "Yeah, outside my house they do all the time."
Quite frankly, I already knew this - he certainly lives in one of the more "active" corners of Century Woods. But...I guess I didn't realize that he would know the difference. Kids aren't as naive as I'd like to believe. He put in a bad day today, but that was obvious when he walked in...often times whatever is going on at home...is somehow painted on them when they arrive. A side of him surfaced that I had never seen before. Even the best behaved kids are still affected by their environments. Each time this reality hits me...it stings all over again.
"Brandy are you dressing up for Halloween?"..."I don't know - what should I be?"..."You could be a mustard seed!" Dakari responded with a big smile...as he remembered our "faith as small as a mustard seed" message from weeks before.
Sometimes there is a steady breeze...while others it comes and goes with the storm. Some storms never seem to end...while others are followed by a rainbow. Emotions are a lot like the weather.
Thursday, October 18, 2007
The Blogging Network
Thank you! I want to take a moment to jump out of my "deep thoughts" and simply pass along a genuine thank you to all of you who faithfully...or occasionally...read this blog...and for those of you who continually pray on my behalf. I know I would not remain faithful or capable if it was not for His power...and your committed support.
Often times you leave comments or send an email that changes my day...giving me that needed boost to know that I'm not going at this alone. I've received comments from people I don't even know...and I'm humbled to think there are people reading my inexperienced perspectives and somehow being blessed...whom I've never met.
Thank you.
Last week in St. Louis provided many late night conversations with my aunt and uncle who took us in for the week. They are faithful readers (and sometimes critics) ;) of my blog. I admitted...often there are times late at night when words pour out of me...and "Publish Post" is the last action I take before collapsing into bed. On more than one occasion, after posting a controversial topic, I wake up at the crack of dawn with panic...and consider deleting the post before my unsuspecting readers know the difference. However, so far...all postings remain.
I appreciate your grace as I'm sure I've struck some nerves. I'm still learning and my perspectives are growing - therefore I'm sure even I will look back and argue against myself in some areas and re-convict myself in others.
My genuine thanks...
Often times you leave comments or send an email that changes my day...giving me that needed boost to know that I'm not going at this alone. I've received comments from people I don't even know...and I'm humbled to think there are people reading my inexperienced perspectives and somehow being blessed...whom I've never met.
Thank you.
Last week in St. Louis provided many late night conversations with my aunt and uncle who took us in for the week. They are faithful readers (and sometimes critics) ;) of my blog. I admitted...often there are times late at night when words pour out of me...and "Publish Post" is the last action I take before collapsing into bed. On more than one occasion, after posting a controversial topic, I wake up at the crack of dawn with panic...and consider deleting the post before my unsuspecting readers know the difference. However, so far...all postings remain.
I appreciate your grace as I'm sure I've struck some nerves. I'm still learning and my perspectives are growing - therefore I'm sure even I will look back and argue against myself in some areas and re-convict myself in others.
My genuine thanks...
Wednesday, October 17, 2007
So...I'm a Youth Worker
A strange transition has occurred. It is as though it just dawned on me...I'm a youth worker. I know...I know...7 months in and I'm just now figuring it out? :) But I have to admit...yeah, I kind of am. I think up to this point it has been all about survival. Or maybe I was approaching it like it was this good deed that I needed to get out of my system (not to belittle God's calling) :) But something clicked at the CCDA conference and has continued upon my return.
As I lay down the YouthWorker Journal (apparently that is what youth workers read)...something in me tingles. Holy Cow...I'm a youth worker.
Tomorrow WDLM leaves for Romania...the same mission trip that I took last year that changed my life. I spoke with Dave Jolly today who is leading the trip, "Is there anyone you want us to try to find for you?" "Yes...at the baby hospital...see if you can find Zena Rostas...she will be around 4 years old...just love on her awhile." It is impossible to even imagine them half a world away seeing...holding...loving...Romania's jewels. May blessings rain down.
What breaks your heart? Mine was utterly shattered in Romania...but again when my eyes were opened to the realities in Rock Island. Often laying amidst your broken heart there in lies your calling. I initially assumed missions, 3rd world conditions...orphans...but have since then come to understand it is simply broken for the hurting...for the hopeless.
But I no longer see hopeless...I see endless potential. As I sat today playing Connect Four with the little guy that broke out the Sunshine van window...I saw an innocent little boy vs. the terror that nearly scared me out of CF, it hit me....so...I'm a Youth Worker.
As I lay down the YouthWorker Journal (apparently that is what youth workers read)...something in me tingles. Holy Cow...I'm a youth worker.
Tomorrow WDLM leaves for Romania...the same mission trip that I took last year that changed my life. I spoke with Dave Jolly today who is leading the trip, "Is there anyone you want us to try to find for you?" "Yes...at the baby hospital...see if you can find Zena Rostas...she will be around 4 years old...just love on her awhile." It is impossible to even imagine them half a world away seeing...holding...loving...Romania's jewels. May blessings rain down.
What breaks your heart? Mine was utterly shattered in Romania...but again when my eyes were opened to the realities in Rock Island. Often laying amidst your broken heart there in lies your calling. I initially assumed missions, 3rd world conditions...orphans...but have since then come to understand it is simply broken for the hurting...for the hopeless.
But I no longer see hopeless...I see endless potential. As I sat today playing Connect Four with the little guy that broke out the Sunshine van window...I saw an innocent little boy vs. the terror that nearly scared me out of CF, it hit me....so...I'm a Youth Worker.
Tuesday, October 16, 2007
What If
What if you're right
He was just another nice guy
What if you're right
What if it's true
They say the cross will only make a fool of you
And what if it's true
What if He takes His place in history
With all the prophets and the kings
Who taught us love, and came in peace
But then the story ends
What then
But what if you're wrong
What if there's more
What if there's hope you never dreamed of hoping for
What if you jump
Just close your eyes
What if the arms that catch you, catch you by surprise
What if He's more than enough
What if it's love
What if you dig
Way down deeper than your simple-minded friends
What if you dig
What if you find
A thousand more unanswered questions down inside
That's all you find
What if you pick apart the logic
And begin to poke the holes
What if the crown of thorns is no more than fokelore that must be told
And retold
But what if you're wrong
What if there's more
What if there's hope you never dreamed of hoping for
What if you jump
Just close your eyes
What if the arms that catch you, catch you by surprise
What if He's more than enough
What if it's love
'Cause you've been running as fast as you can
You've been looking for a place you can land
For so long
But what if you're wrong
What if you jump
Just close your eyes
What if the arms that catch you, catch you by surprise
What if He's more than enough
What if it's love
What if it's love
Nichole Nordeman
He was just another nice guy
What if you're right
What if it's true
They say the cross will only make a fool of you
And what if it's true
What if He takes His place in history
With all the prophets and the kings
Who taught us love, and came in peace
But then the story ends
What then
But what if you're wrong
What if there's more
What if there's hope you never dreamed of hoping for
What if you jump
Just close your eyes
What if the arms that catch you, catch you by surprise
What if He's more than enough
What if it's love
What if you dig
Way down deeper than your simple-minded friends
What if you dig
What if you find
A thousand more unanswered questions down inside
That's all you find
What if you pick apart the logic
And begin to poke the holes
What if the crown of thorns is no more than fokelore that must be told
And retold
But what if you're wrong
What if there's more
What if there's hope you never dreamed of hoping for
What if you jump
Just close your eyes
What if the arms that catch you, catch you by surprise
What if He's more than enough
What if it's love
'Cause you've been running as fast as you can
You've been looking for a place you can land
For so long
But what if you're wrong
What if you jump
Just close your eyes
What if the arms that catch you, catch you by surprise
What if He's more than enough
What if it's love
What if it's love
Nichole Nordeman
Monday, October 15, 2007
Pull up the Bootstraps
Believing God. Tougher than it sounds...even after you come to know Christ. Yes...the secret's out...I'm a Christian. So what...what does that mean? It means that I not only believe that God exists...but that I actually believe God will see me through. But do I?
After staff days...I realized that we as a staff "rolled over" when the going got tough. There were some definite things that we felt very passionately needed to change. But at the first sign of strong resistance...retreated.
Christina (Moline Director) and I returned home last night from the CCDA conference in St. Louis. CCDA stands for the Christian Community Development Association. They believe in transforming under-resourced communities. In a nutshell...stop with the charity and start empowering the community.
Urban ministry is not where I thought I'd be called. I had envisions of being called to the pits of Africa...but every day God solidifies that I'm where he has called me.
Often times my mind wanders to the greener grass..."look at that organization...i bet they have it all together...oh what I could do with them"...but I think it is in these moments God is asking me if I believe Him.
Having these thoughts...during an evening worship service...I stopped singing...sat down and picked up my Bible and flipped open to a devotional - Moses' Choice / Your Choice - "Instead of staying where things were nice and clean, prestigious and comfortable, he (Moses) chose mistreatment. You have the same opportunity to choose either a reward that stops here or one that lies ahead in a place that cannot be seen. You have a chance to choose for your sake or for the sake of Christ. It boils down to that. How will you choose? Remember Moses."
Christina and I walked out of the same workshop with that sinking feeling. "God's not going to let this one go is He?" It's time to pull up the bootstraps.
After staff days...I realized that we as a staff "rolled over" when the going got tough. There were some definite things that we felt very passionately needed to change. But at the first sign of strong resistance...retreated.
Christina (Moline Director) and I returned home last night from the CCDA conference in St. Louis. CCDA stands for the Christian Community Development Association. They believe in transforming under-resourced communities. In a nutshell...stop with the charity and start empowering the community.
Urban ministry is not where I thought I'd be called. I had envisions of being called to the pits of Africa...but every day God solidifies that I'm where he has called me.
Often times my mind wanders to the greener grass..."look at that organization...i bet they have it all together...oh what I could do with them"...but I think it is in these moments God is asking me if I believe Him.
Having these thoughts...during an evening worship service...I stopped singing...sat down and picked up my Bible and flipped open to a devotional - Moses' Choice / Your Choice - "Instead of staying where things were nice and clean, prestigious and comfortable, he (Moses) chose mistreatment. You have the same opportunity to choose either a reward that stops here or one that lies ahead in a place that cannot be seen. You have a chance to choose for your sake or for the sake of Christ. It boils down to that. How will you choose? Remember Moses."
Christina and I walked out of the same workshop with that sinking feeling. "God's not going to let this one go is He?" It's time to pull up the bootstraps.
Tuesday, October 9, 2007
Ministry meets the Farm
"You look relaxed...have a good weekend?" Willie inquired. "Yeah I did...I went home."
There's something about the farm that will always be my refuge. With three littles tagging along...ministry meets the farm.
There are so many experiences to be had outside the confines of city life...especially for these kids. They are amazed by everything - and I do mean everything. From seeing field mice...to standing under a million visible stars.
Ok...so the stars thing still gets me too. :)
"Can we stay longer?...When are we coming back?...There's your dad...stop - we've gotta give him a hug"...
I'm not sure who the visit did more good.
There's something about the farm that will always be my refuge. With three littles tagging along...ministry meets the farm.
There are so many experiences to be had outside the confines of city life...especially for these kids. They are amazed by everything - and I do mean everything. From seeing field mice...to standing under a million visible stars. 
Ok...so the stars thing still gets me too. :)
"Can we stay longer?...When are we coming back?...There's your dad...stop - we've gotta give him a hug"...
I'm not sure who the visit did more good.
Sunday, October 7, 2007
The Whoosh
"i done mad alot of changes fareal belive me *luve u brandy*"
Should I translate? I just finished a six week bible study with a few Jr. High girls. One is Ebony's younger sister...and let me tell you...she's a pistol. Mom and dad stopped by the youth center during one of our studies...and in the few minutes that I was giving them a tour...Candace managed to attempt to break into the cash register. Mind you this was about week 5 of our Bible study.
During the last night I told them to subscribe to my MySpace blog and I'd summarize what we had covered in our study of the Prayer of Jabez. Candace added me as a friend today...with the above comment. "I done mad alot of change beliieve me." Many might wonder what she's saying. Simply said...she's trying.
Her MySpace name is currently *candace has accepted jesus back in her life*
Her tag line is "Roll,roll.roll yo blunt twist it at the end lite it ^ and take a puff and pass it to a friend"
She's a perfect example of the kids I serve. Accepting Jesus...talking about rolling a blunt.
There's that clear picture of the tightline these kids walk. I've got my work cut out for me with this one.
She called me tonight..."you picking us up for church tomorrow?"..."I can...but we're trying a new local church in Rock Island"..."yeah...we'll go."
The other night she asked me if I'd pray with her to repent for her sins. You got it sister. "I felt a whoosh come over me as we prayed"..."that's the Holy Spirit my dear...I don't want an excuse of what you can't be...in Him...you can be anyone...you can be different...you can be great."
Should I translate? I just finished a six week bible study with a few Jr. High girls. One is Ebony's younger sister...and let me tell you...she's a pistol. Mom and dad stopped by the youth center during one of our studies...and in the few minutes that I was giving them a tour...Candace managed to attempt to break into the cash register. Mind you this was about week 5 of our Bible study.
During the last night I told them to subscribe to my MySpace blog and I'd summarize what we had covered in our study of the Prayer of Jabez. Candace added me as a friend today...with the above comment. "I done mad alot of change beliieve me." Many might wonder what she's saying. Simply said...she's trying.
Her MySpace name is currently *candace has accepted jesus back in her life*
Her tag line is "Roll,roll.roll yo blunt twist it at the end lite it ^ and take a puff and pass it to a friend"
She's a perfect example of the kids I serve. Accepting Jesus...talking about rolling a blunt.
There's that clear picture of the tightline these kids walk. I've got my work cut out for me with this one.
She called me tonight..."you picking us up for church tomorrow?"..."I can...but we're trying a new local church in Rock Island"..."yeah...we'll go."
The other night she asked me if I'd pray with her to repent for her sins. You got it sister. "I felt a whoosh come over me as we prayed"..."that's the Holy Spirit my dear...I don't want an excuse of what you can't be...in Him...you can be anyone...you can be different...you can be great."
Friday, October 5, 2007
I'm going to do it
"Brandy I want to get to the point where I actually want to go to church, but it is hard...some days I just don't want to get up. And I want to wow people in track this year...like I did last year, but then I let everyone down because I didn't feel like going after school every day so I quit. And I want to keep my grades up - but I'm in the habit of skipping school occasionally or leaving early. It is just hard to make myself do it."
To which I replied...
"Ebony, do you honesty think that I get up jumping for joy to go to church every Sunday? I'll let you in on a little secret - I don't. Some mornings I'm exhausted and simply want to sleep in...or I have a hundred other things I could do...but I don't...I get up...and I go to church...and usually those are the days when the sermon really hits me and I find myself thinking...alright God...I see why you wanted me here. What you lack in all of those areas of your life is self-discipline. There are some times you have to decide to do things...even when you don't feel like it. You need to decide right now that you're getting up for church...that you're done skipping school...that you won't quit track...and then remind yourself of this oath when you're tempted. I admit Ebony - you have it harder than I did. I had a father that would whoop my butt if I skipped school and I flat out wasn't allowed to quit anything I started...so I didn't have to be completely self-disciplined...but you do...so what. You set the bar for yourself and don't sell yourself short. Ebony you can do anything that you put your mind to...and you will do amazing things in Christ...but it means not selling out for mediocrity...it means stepping up and taking control of your life. You can be anything you want to be...but you've got to get yourself disciplined."
"I want to Brandy...I'm going to try."
"I don't want you to try Ebony...I want you to do it."
"Ok - you're right...I'm going to do it."
To which I replied...
"Ebony, do you honesty think that I get up jumping for joy to go to church every Sunday? I'll let you in on a little secret - I don't. Some mornings I'm exhausted and simply want to sleep in...or I have a hundred other things I could do...but I don't...I get up...and I go to church...and usually those are the days when the sermon really hits me and I find myself thinking...alright God...I see why you wanted me here. What you lack in all of those areas of your life is self-discipline. There are some times you have to decide to do things...even when you don't feel like it. You need to decide right now that you're getting up for church...that you're done skipping school...that you won't quit track...and then remind yourself of this oath when you're tempted. I admit Ebony - you have it harder than I did. I had a father that would whoop my butt if I skipped school and I flat out wasn't allowed to quit anything I started...so I didn't have to be completely self-disciplined...but you do...so what. You set the bar for yourself and don't sell yourself short. Ebony you can do anything that you put your mind to...and you will do amazing things in Christ...but it means not selling out for mediocrity...it means stepping up and taking control of your life. You can be anything you want to be...but you've got to get yourself disciplined."
"I want to Brandy...I'm going to try."
"I don't want you to try Ebony...I want you to do it."
"Ok - you're right...I'm going to do it."
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