Friday, December 21, 2012

New Normal

Shortly after leaving Deere in early 2007 I found myself surrounded by youth pastors and hip hop music while attending an urban youth ministry conference.  I distinctly remember looking around the auditorium, certain I stuck out like a sore thumb but somehow liberated and excited for the next chapter of my life.  A girl took the stage and quite frankly I remember very little about what she had to say.  What I do remember is her sharing the story of how at some point in her life the Lord had spoken to her Spirit asking her to dedicate the next 7 years to Him...as a single.  While she ended up married almost exactly 7 years later, I distinctly remember exhaling with relief...at least this was not what the Lord was requiring of me...

You see I was on the heels of a divorce and certainly not ready to rush into another marriage but I also wasn't signing up to give the Lord 7 years of singleness.

I'm sitting here wondering why I remember her story...why is that practically the ONLY thing I remember about the conference?  Perhaps it comes with the reality that in 2013...I will hit that 7 year threshold post-divorce and the wedding bells have yet to ring.  Seven years...really Lord?  Oh sure there has been a relationship or two but nothing I felt was forever.  And then somewhere along the way I prayed that God would help prevent me from unnecessarily dating...that the next guy who seriously entered my life would be my husband.  Well my friends...the Lord in His faithfulness...answered this prayer.  What little dating life I did have...came to a screeching halt.  :)

Seven years.  It's forced me to look back and reflect on what He's done.  Would I change it?  Would I have agreed to give Him these last 7 years if He would have asked?  Honestly, I don't think I would have had the courage.  So instead...He patiently walked beside me...day-by-day...molding and shaping me...pouring His spirit inside me, one step at a time. For a long time I felt like I was living in some temporary state...until the Lord restored my life...my dreams...and returned me back to some state of 'normal.'  But somewhere along the way I learned to look around and inhale the reality that I'm already there...the 'not' normal...IS my new normal and it's beautiful.  I've inserted a portion of this (in)courage entry perfectly capturing the revelation...
Why do you want to go back? Frustratingly trying to regain the control you never had. When a gust of holy wind has beautifully rearranged your hair and the pieces of your life. There really isn’t a ‘new normal.’ Yea, you talk about it like it exists, but it’s only to cope, instead of embracing the daily adventure that the Prince of Peace has set your feet on.

At this point, you can’t see ‘normal’ in the rear view mirror even if you squinted hard to catch a glimpse. And if you try to look back, to find the way back to ‘normal,’ to feel safe and familiar, you’ll wreck yourself, your surroundings, those you love and the miracle you’ve been given.

You may not have realized when you started to pray that life would be so different now. Exciting, nervous, adventurous, more Jesus-dependant than when you needed an answer.
I guess the number 7 in the Bible is a holy number, symbolizing completeness.  7 years for a holy gust of wind to beautifully rearrange the pieces of my life and the Lord to become more sacred than I ever knew possible.   And that...I can't imagine not signing up for.  Is the Lord done with me yet?  Oh I'm afraid not until He calls me home...but I do think He completes specific work on hearts along the way.

Taken at 2012 YouthHope Poetry Slam
Just a few faces the holy gust blew into my life.

Interestingly enough...the number 8 represents new beginnings.   

“Forget the former things; 
     do not dwell on the past. 
See, I am doing a new thing!
Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?
I am making a way in the wilderness

     and streams in the wasteland."  Isaiah 43:18-19

What is the new normal you're being asked to embrace?

**Disclaimer**  I do not promote or advise divorce. It just so happened that mine led me into the arms of Christ.  Therefore the significance of the past 7 years has more to do with me walking with Him than it does the divorce itself.  Since my own failed marriage, I have learned the saving grace and power of Christ and His ability to transform even the most hopeless of situations.  This is the path I would fight for - allowing Him to make possible what seems impossible.  

Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.  Ephesians 3:20

Sunday, December 2, 2012

The joy of my salvation

I woke up this morning not going to church.  Not in any major rebellion against God...I simply didn't want to go.  I was tired and not convinced the whole experience would warrant the change from pajamas.  Did I mention I was tired?  I justified my decision by settling in to watch an online sermon by a pastor of my choosing.  Sinking into the comforts of my couch after having put my Keurig machine to work...with a cup of java in hand and laptop tuned into the Brook Hills community...I invited David Platt into my living room.  Not sure if you're familiar with David Platt but he wrote this little number - which challenged all of us readers into a new level of abandonment for Christ.  I have a huge respect for men of God who preach the Word with authority and trust He has gifted each uniquely - but David Platt's humility and radical obedience never cease to challenge my faith.

Anyway...back to my pajamas.  My poor Mac seems to be on its last leg which doesn't bode well when trying to watch an hour long video.  It spits and sputters and finally seems to surrender.  Pause...re-start...shut down...start over...3 times later I'm waving my own white flag.  About the same time, I get a fairly normal Sunday morning text..."Church?"....but instead of coming from the boys...this one came from my high school disciple.  She hadn't been to church with me in awhile and I wanted to spend some time with her.  I look down at my pajamas and at the clock on the wall.  Doing a quick assessment knew it would be tight but with Mr. Platt froze on my screen...replied and ran for the shower..."Be there soon."


But a different kind of morning called for a different kind of church.  I needed something more small town than usual, so when I picked her up I asked if she minded if we did things a little 'country'.  She gives me that am-I-going-to-be-the-only-black-person-in-this-church look and I smile and say "quite likely but you're going to be the prettiest one!"  :)  So we ventured a bit further north than usual and landed in the pews of a church that will forever hold a special place in my heart.  You see years ago in my life before Jesus...my Christian co-workers would share sermons on tape (yes indeed cassettes) ...and by accident or intention...I was put on the distribution list...and out of curiosity or obligation...I listened to them.

From sermons on tape to Christian radio...the message of Christ was shared...and I pulled over onto the side of the road and gave my life to Him.

I was at lunch this week with a Christian sister of mine and shared a part of my testimony that I rarely share.  It's dark and hard to imagine the path I was on during that phase of my life.  Telling the story reminded me of what He rescued me from.  He literally reached down and snatched me from a path of destruction and set my feet on solid ground.

As the pastor concluded the service this morning by distributing the communion elements...the memories flooded into a swirl until they converged into the present...sitting in that church pew listening in person to the very same pastor who used to preach though my tape deck. 

And I was brought back to the joy of my salvation.

 He drew me up from the pit of destruction,
    out of the miry bog,
and set my feet upon a rock,
    making my steps secure. 

He put a new song in my mouth,
    a song of praise to our God.
Many will see and fear,
    and put their trust in the Lord. Pslam 40:2-3


Restore to me the joy of your salvation
    and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me. Psalm 51:12