But blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord, whose confidence is in him. Jeremiah 17:7
Given a little thought...it is easy to accept that the almighty, all-knowing, creator of the universe has greater plans for my life than I. But when I can't see where he is leading...when I stumble and fall...my demeanor immediately changes.
While my faith compels me to keep moving in his direction...I find myself suddenly doing so...kicking and screaming.
Which begs the question...is this real trust?
I'm gently reminded this morning to stand up. It is almost as though I hear God speak...”You are following me child, but wouldn’t it be easier done from your feet?”
Trust
STOOP-shouldered,
foot-dragging,
sighing
resignation
is not trust.
Real trust
bounces on eager toes of
anticipation -
laughs with pure delight
of knowing
in whom it believes -
rests easy
knowing
on whom it waits.
Lord,
so wrap me in the
knowledge of You
that my trust is no longer
in You, but
is You.
~Susan L. Lenzkes
Friday, February 29, 2008
Friday, February 15, 2008
Strength in my weakness
I had the opportunity this morning to share in a circle of my dearest friends from John Deere. I joined in their bible study to share my experiences in serving. As we opened in prayer a memory swept over me...this was the first bible study I was ever invited to. Hard to imagine the same girl who timidly joined the group a few years back...with far more questions than answers...far more doubt than faith...would end up having something to share...in the same circle.
"God has been teaching me something Brandy...I can’t do it on my own strength." "Funny you should mention that Jana...it is what I am speaking about this morning." We smile..."Awwww the goodness of God’s timing."
What keeps us from serving?
Jennifer shares..."I think people struggle with serving because it often requires them to take that last step beyond their capabilities...which places them outside their realm of self-sufficiency." We are a people of independence...we are a people of control...it is hard to relinquish.
I could be the poster child for independence. I was raised to be self-reliant, self-motivated and driven. Not bad qualities to have...thank you mom and dad! :) But God calls you beyond your capabilities so that he may show you His glory...His strength and increase your dependency on Him.
In the private setting of the youth center...I cried out...(I was alone...you bet I cried out loud!) "Ok God...what do you want from me, I admit...you have called me beyond my capabilities...I have tried...I have failed...I genuinely believe I can not do this on my own strength." The tears welled up as I cried out in surrender.
Almost immediately...in God’s loving way...He answered..."It’s about time child...now I can work with you."
I’m usually partial to the NIV, but today I share with you from The Message.
"Because of the extravagance of those revelations, and so I wouldn't get a big head, I was given the gift of a handicap to keep me in constant touch with my limitations. Satan's angel did his best to get me down; what he in fact did was push me to my knees. No danger then of walking around high and mighty! At first I didn't think of it as a gift, and begged God to remove it. Three times I did that, and then he told me,
My grace is enough; it's all you need.
My strength comes into its own in your weakness.
Once I heard that, I was glad to let it happen. I quit focusing on the handicap and began appreciating the gift. It was a case of Christ's strength moving in on my weakness. Now I take limitations in stride, and with good cheer, these limitations that cut me down to size—abuse, accidents, opposition, bad breaks. I just let Christ take over! And so the weaker I get, the stronger I become."
2 Corinthians 12:7-10
"God has been teaching me something Brandy...I can’t do it on my own strength." "Funny you should mention that Jana...it is what I am speaking about this morning." We smile..."Awwww the goodness of God’s timing."
What keeps us from serving?
Jennifer shares..."I think people struggle with serving because it often requires them to take that last step beyond their capabilities...which places them outside their realm of self-sufficiency." We are a people of independence...we are a people of control...it is hard to relinquish.
I could be the poster child for independence. I was raised to be self-reliant, self-motivated and driven. Not bad qualities to have...thank you mom and dad! :) But God calls you beyond your capabilities so that he may show you His glory...His strength and increase your dependency on Him.
In the private setting of the youth center...I cried out...(I was alone...you bet I cried out loud!) "Ok God...what do you want from me, I admit...you have called me beyond my capabilities...I have tried...I have failed...I genuinely believe I can not do this on my own strength." The tears welled up as I cried out in surrender.
Almost immediately...in God’s loving way...He answered..."It’s about time child...now I can work with you."
I’m usually partial to the NIV, but today I share with you from The Message.
"Because of the extravagance of those revelations, and so I wouldn't get a big head, I was given the gift of a handicap to keep me in constant touch with my limitations. Satan's angel did his best to get me down; what he in fact did was push me to my knees. No danger then of walking around high and mighty! At first I didn't think of it as a gift, and begged God to remove it. Three times I did that, and then he told me,
My grace is enough; it's all you need.
My strength comes into its own in your weakness.
Once I heard that, I was glad to let it happen. I quit focusing on the handicap and began appreciating the gift. It was a case of Christ's strength moving in on my weakness. Now I take limitations in stride, and with good cheer, these limitations that cut me down to size—abuse, accidents, opposition, bad breaks. I just let Christ take over! And so the weaker I get, the stronger I become."
2 Corinthians 12:7-10
Thursday, February 14, 2008
P.S. Done pruning yet?
I’m developing a funny relationship with God. I’m starting to talk, pray and journal to him as though he is actually one of my closest friends. Nonchalant, down to earth, laying it all out on the table as it really is. Don’t get me wrong, I also have those moments when I’m so caught up in his glory and his wonder that I struggle with the right words to even begin to praise him. But today...we’re just chatting.
I’m sitting in a local coffee shop...paying no attention to the slow...seemingly “regular” lunch crowd...or the espresso machine at full steam in the background. Nope, today it’s just God and me. But no worries...by chatting...I actually mean I’m journaling...I save ranting for more private settings. ;)
I start reflecting on my bible study from yesterday morning, when I was sharing with the gals that God must get a continued kick out of my rollercoaster prayers. On the days when my faith is on fire, I actually pray God will use whatever means...tests and trials necessary to cleanse out the ugly “self” stuff I struggle with. You know...my selfish nature...my pride...stubbornness...oh goodness that list could go on. So I wholeheartedly give him permission to do a walk through my life and take a scour brush where he sees fit. But there are just as many days when I find myself face down on my knees...pleading with him give me a break...shed a little light...or the most popular...throw me a bone.
(I’m not sure God really waits for my permission or retraction to continue with his work, but somehow it gives me comfort just the same.)
Today, I pick up my devotion and begin reading...“What would you think if your best friend told you that she thought you needed to endure a long, intense and difficult trial so that God could prune away some of the sin in your life? You would probably think she was crazy! What if she persisted and said that you would perform your job as a mother, wife, teacher or saleswoman better after your trial was over? Which of us would willingly submit to those pruning shears, and which of us would turn, run and hide?”
For me...it depends on the day. Truthfully...if I knew the challenges and trials I would face before entering this ministry...I hate to admit...I don’t think I would have taken the leap. But would I go back now that I've come this far? Not in a million.
Still I find myself leaving God a little P.S. at the bottom of my entry...
P.S. Done pruning yet? :)
"I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener. He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful.”
John 15:1-2
I’m sitting in a local coffee shop...paying no attention to the slow...seemingly “regular” lunch crowd...or the espresso machine at full steam in the background. Nope, today it’s just God and me. But no worries...by chatting...I actually mean I’m journaling...I save ranting for more private settings. ;)
I start reflecting on my bible study from yesterday morning, when I was sharing with the gals that God must get a continued kick out of my rollercoaster prayers. On the days when my faith is on fire, I actually pray God will use whatever means...tests and trials necessary to cleanse out the ugly “self” stuff I struggle with. You know...my selfish nature...my pride...stubbornness...oh goodness that list could go on. So I wholeheartedly give him permission to do a walk through my life and take a scour brush where he sees fit. But there are just as many days when I find myself face down on my knees...pleading with him give me a break...shed a little light...or the most popular...throw me a bone.
(I’m not sure God really waits for my permission or retraction to continue with his work, but somehow it gives me comfort just the same.)
Today, I pick up my devotion and begin reading...“What would you think if your best friend told you that she thought you needed to endure a long, intense and difficult trial so that God could prune away some of the sin in your life? You would probably think she was crazy! What if she persisted and said that you would perform your job as a mother, wife, teacher or saleswoman better after your trial was over? Which of us would willingly submit to those pruning shears, and which of us would turn, run and hide?”
For me...it depends on the day. Truthfully...if I knew the challenges and trials I would face before entering this ministry...I hate to admit...I don’t think I would have taken the leap. But would I go back now that I've come this far? Not in a million.
Still I find myself leaving God a little P.S. at the bottom of my entry...
P.S. Done pruning yet? :)
"I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener. He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful.”
John 15:1-2
Wednesday, February 13, 2008
wildflowers
Love...what is it...we all want it...hope to find it...pray to keep it...but how do you define it? Expressing love during this time of year seems to gravitate towards roses. While I've always been more of a wildflower girl...flowers tend to loose their prestige when someone slaps the "wildflower" label to them...but their beauty remains unaltered.
Tonight I met with the CF "Kid's Choir"...while they do more dancing than singing...we've yet to come up with a better name. The hope is that they'll be ready to perform in time for our annual banquet...but trust me when I tell you...this will require an act of God.
I've tried it all...from bribes to threats and everything in between...but they seem to bounce off the walls far more than they dance. Frustrated with the way practice had gone...I checked in with the teen staff as we walked to the van..."What am I doing wrong Brittnee?...what should I do?" She smiled..."you can drop me off first" she cleverly states, as the van filled with chaos.
Tyvon’s stop..."Brandy, am I going to see you tomorrow?" "No Tyvon...but I'll see you Saturday." "But you need to stop by my house tomorrow...I have a valentine for you...already filled out" :)
Pulling up to the last stop...Amari moves up. We have a routine...he bounces out of the van...walks around to the back of his house...disappears around the corner...comes back around and waves...letting me know he can get inside...and I pull away. Tonight was no different...except before he bounced out of the van...he stood up...and leaned over my shoulder...and out of nowhere...gave me a hug...
What is true love? I asked the kids during our devotional.
“It’s loving your mom”
“I love pizza”
“I love ice cream”
“It’s God”
I couldn’t disagree with any of their answers. While we discussed the origin of true love...I didn’t overlook the many ways it can be expressed...
...perhaps it’s your name on a valentine...or an unexpected hug.
This Valentine season...don't overlook the beauty of the wildflowers...waiting on the roses.
Sunday, February 3, 2008
He already knows
Amidst one of my first tests of faith...a friend recommended that I read the book of Job. In my reflections, Job's undying faithfulness left its footprints on my heart. But I couldn't help acknowledging a nagging disturbance...the way God had given Job into Satan's hands as a pawn...allowing him to inflict pain...to administer suffering. Something about imagining our loving God looking down on his faithful servant...and then making a bet with Satan on his faithfulness never sat right with me. But I kept reading...through Job’s unconceivable torment...and witnessed his perseverance...drank in his faithfulness...until his former life was restored...and then surpassed. I did not miss the good news. “The LORD blessed the latter part of Job's life more than the first.” Job 42:12
But this image of God and Satan wagering for and against the pawn still wouldn’t escape me.
This week as I sat in a coffee shop, absorbed in God’s word and a YouthWorker Journal, I stumbled across the following quote by C.S. Lewis: "God has not been trying an experiment on my faith or love in order to find out their quality. He knew it already. It was I who didn't."
My mind immediately flew back to Job...as these words penetrated that unanswered disturbance. God didn’t need his bet with Satan to prove Job’s faithfulness, he already knew it...perhaps it was Job who didn’t.
Sometimes I forget God’s sovereignty. His all powerful...all knowing...unconceivable nature. Sometimes I forget that God knows what I’m made of...but often times...it is I who does not.
But this image of God and Satan wagering for and against the pawn still wouldn’t escape me.
This week as I sat in a coffee shop, absorbed in God’s word and a YouthWorker Journal, I stumbled across the following quote by C.S. Lewis: "God has not been trying an experiment on my faith or love in order to find out their quality. He knew it already. It was I who didn't."
My mind immediately flew back to Job...as these words penetrated that unanswered disturbance. God didn’t need his bet with Satan to prove Job’s faithfulness, he already knew it...perhaps it was Job who didn’t.
Sometimes I forget God’s sovereignty. His all powerful...all knowing...unconceivable nature. Sometimes I forget that God knows what I’m made of...but often times...it is I who does not.
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