Doorways of the Lord

I was recently sent a missionary letter from a lady who is preparing to forgo her corporate job to seek a life in ministry. This requires a move home from her current career assignment in Germany. She shared a picture and her reflections of a sculpture on the streets of Hamburg...

"While I don‘t know the meaning the artist intended, it visualizes the doorways of our walk with the Lord so perfectly that I had to take a picture of it. Sitting on a bench on the inside of the doorway is a woman, her face covered in red paint. She reminds me that, at any time, we can choose to sit down and wait for the Lord. The Lord will not leave us nor will He forsake us, we are covered in the blood of the Lamb. Coming towards us in the picture is another woman, she has been bought by the blood of the Lamb and she has chosen to stand up and walk through the doorway. Her hand touching the frame indicates to me that she is unsure of what is coming next, yet her eyes are focused forward, her face like flint. She knows that to sit down would mean to settle for less than God‘s plan and purpose for her life."

When I first read her portrayal of the piece, perhaps pride crept up for a moment as I imagined being the woman willing to walk through the doorway. But if I am honest, I must admit...I have been both. And more recently I have been the woman sitting down.

But not long ago, I was the woman walking through the doorway. A woman who had her beliefs and world views so drastically altered since taking her first steps that she needed a moment of rest..."enough Lord...you've brought me far enough for now...I need to sit down here and linger awhile." And in God's perfect timing and grace...He allowed her.

But if you remain founded in the Word and open to the will of God, something innately stirs you to your feet again. I've recently found myself reestablished in my beliefs, stronger in faith, and ready to stand. Once again, I walk through that doorway, hand touching the frame, eyes focussed forward...not willing to sit down and settle for less than God's plan and purpose for my life.

Trials of a new kind

Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. James 1:2-4

The first major testing and trial period I faced in this ministry was undoubtedly one of building perseverance and endurance. Perhaps for no other gain, I feel like I was drug through the fire to see if I would endure. I recently attended the Urban Youth Worker's Conference in California where we focused on "Living the Legacy" - as I skim through my notes, I stumble across the following thought, "You can not earn a legacy until you've passed consistency." Perhaps a bit convicting as I review my life. However, I still remember with a sweet smile the day I woke up and felt the burden of that trial lifted. I'm not suggesting that my work is finished or my endurance is complete, but perhaps God knew that I needed to pause for a moment of encouragement...as he cheered me on...well done child...you made it further than you thought you could. And I have.

I feel a shift in the trials I face, undoubtedly with new purpose. God is doing a mighty work in my heart for the poor. I still have yet to put into words my reflections from school and the conference in California because my entire world view is being altered. I keep reflecting on the Moline Teen Director's thought when I entered into this ministry..."your faith will change when you minister to these kids." I'm realizing that as you serve the deeply marginalized, you receive an invitation to God's heart.

Matthew 25:45 is taking new residency and shape in my own heart...

He will reply, 'I tell you the truth, whatever you did not do for one of the least of these, you did not do for me.'

always been "Yes"

But as surely as God is faithful, our message to you is not "Yes" and "No." For the Son of God, Jesus Christ, who was preached among you by me and Silas and Timothy, was not "Yes" and "No," but in him it has always been "Yes." For no matter how many promises God has made, they are "Yes" in Christ. And so through him the "Amen" is spoken by us to the glory of God. 2 Corinthians 1:18-20

I think of the many times I've sat in turmoil, battling what I thought ought to be answered prayer vs. the reality of circumstance. And then I read this scripture this morning...and a thought wisped by me...

God only wants and provides what is best for us...even when we can't see...even when we don't understand. There are no "No's"...only "Yes's" in Christ. The thought gained steam..."Dear child...I'm going to take you on this journey...and I will only provide what is absolutely best for you and my Kingdom, no exceptions...and I only ask one thing of you...Trust Me."

As I type from the kitchen table, I glance over to my living room floor and think of the many times I've cried out from my knees in despair...suffering in doubt. It makes me want to pick up that broken self, dust her off and ask what she is doing there.

For no matter how many promises God has made, they are "Yes" in Christ.

"Hey...look at nighttime me"

What sold me on following Christ? I distinctly remember two days in particular...probably separated by a year.

The first was the day I pulled over my car after realizing that I wasn't happy with how my life had turned out with myself in control. And I heard this promise...put Christ in control of your life...and experience a peace like no other. Truthfully, I made the decision out of desperation and without understanding. But I made it just the same.

I didn't really tell any mature Christians about the decision who could have coached me in developing a relationship with Christ. So I seemingly floundered about...happy with my decision but not fully understanding the impact on my life. I lived the next year of my life virtually in the same lifestyle I had come accustomed to through the years, yet with a new desire to seek God.

The second day I remember was a different kind of decision entirely. Sometimes we have to hit bottom before we realize we need to look up. I had allowed my selfish desires and poor lifestyle choices to abruptly kick me lower than I ever thought I would land. And I had a decision to make...what am I to do from there? I remember feeling battered and bruised...and asking...God, will you still take me like this? Can you still use me?" I said a different kind of prayer that morning...one of equal desperation as the first...but it was painted with surrender...willing to finally give up those areas of my life I thought were so sacred to hold onto. A woman recently shared the following thought..."Jesus is a gentleman...and he won't change areas of your heart and life until you first give him permission." There's something incredibly profound about this statement as I've experienced it's truth firsthand. When I was finally willing to allow Christ into all areas of my life...not just the convenient ones...I began to be transformed.

But surrender, I've found, is a daily decision. One I have never regretted, but not always an easy one. And there is a continuous temptation to go back. There's a song that reminds me of my battle of surrender...by the Ryan Montbleau Band...75 and Sunny. I smile at the lyrics as I relate to fighting my daytime self with a mighty does of "hey look at nighttime me." :)

I started a new Bible study, When Godly People Do Ungodly Things. A scary realization of how easily we can be tempted away.

I am fearful, lest that even as the serpent beguiled Eve by his cunning, so your minds may be corrupted and seduced from wholehearted and sincere and pure devotion to Christ. 2 Corinthians 11:3, AMP

Hi Ho...

off to camp we will go. 40 plus 5th & 6th graders will take Camp Summit by storm this afternoon. There's always anxious anticipation brewing in the air as pickup begins. But after the chaos of chasing down campers concedes and the city horizon diminishes in the rear view mirror...something new begins to take hold. Something different...something comforting...an escape...a refuge...an excuse to let your inner-child run free.

Lord grant me the patience this week and remind me of this image when tempers flare and I'm chasing some of these freed inner-children through the woods... :)