Sunday, May 20, 2012

Walk on...

Sometimes when God doesn't answer prayer...

in the way that we think He ought to...
or in the timing we feel He should...

bitterness can take root.

I didn't think I did it on purpose. In fact I would tell you that I chose trust...and I knew His plans were good. But if I'm honest...I laid the first brick to build the wall between my heart and His...reeking with intention.

Image from Google

I did genuinely believe His plans were good - and therefore chose trust. But that knowledge in your head doesn't immediately trickle down to mend your broken heart. And I was hurt...and felt like He had a hand in it.

One dark night amidst my struggle I broke down in the safety net of one of my beloved girlfriends. I let the ugly surface. No longer hiding behind Christianese and scriptured promises.

There was a long pause as the tears rolled down my cheeks and off my chin. My frustration so thick it was suffocating.

Sometimes I think it is actually cruel to quote scripture to someone who is writhing in pain. Don't get me wrong...in other moments I feel a timely delivered Word is right on cue. May a good dose of discernment led by the Holy Spirit be our guide.

I was writhing in pain.

And she quoted scripture.

"You know...I think John 6:66 is one of the saddest scriptures in the Bible."

I'm less than amused - what does this have to do with me? If I didn't roll my eyes on the outside, I certainly did on the inside.

"It's when many of Jesus disciples turned away and no longer followed Him after a tough teaching."

Ah...I'm seeing the connection.

"And Jesus asked his closest disciples...if they'd leave too? But they asked where would they go because they knew He was eternal life."

Bingo...she hit the nail on the head. I couldn't be offended with her scripture reference because I felt the Lord asking me the same question...through her...

In a world where so many turn away...“You do not want to leave too, do you Brandy?”

I echoed the words of Simon Peter laced with annoyance...“Lord, to whom shall I go? You have the words of eternal life. I have come to believe and to know that you are the Holy One of God.”

You see...I did want to walk away...or at least turn my back and let the bitterness grow - but where would I go? I know Jesus Christ died for me - I know He is the holy Son of God and I know He holds eternal life. So what was I supposed to do...pretend I didn't believe these truths that ran deep through my soul? No...I didn't question His existence...I simply disagreed with His ways.

The evening didn't resolve. I didn't get on my Jesus high horse and ride into the sunset.

But I did decide...

to keep walking.

To Be Continued...

May I encourage you wherever you are on your journey...in joy or in pain...in faith or in doubt...in frustration or elation...to walk on. He'll match your pace.

From this time many of his disciples turned back and no longer followed him. “You do not want to leave too, do you?” Jesus asked the Twelve. Simon Peter answered him, “Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life. We have come to believe and to know that you are the Holy One of God." John 6:66-69