Wrestling for Truth

I didn't set out to change the world - not even my little corner of it.  I simply decided to follow Jesus - and that made all the difference.

There are some scriptures that need to be lived...breathed...touched...wrestled...before they can ever be appreciated or understood.

I've long wrestled with Matthew16:24-26...

Then Jesus said to his disciples,  "Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me.  For whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me will find it.  What good will it be for someone to gain the whole world, and yet forfeit their soul?  Or what can anyone give in exchange for their soul?

For as long as I can remember all I ever really wanted to be was a farm wife and mom (well ok besides the occasional obsession with becoming an FBI Special Agent)...and yet that barefoot and pregnant train derailed as soon as it pulled away from the station.

While some dreams die hard - others refuse to die.

And yet the pages of my story continue to turn and the trajectory of my life has been radically altered.  For as it turns out God has in fact enlisted me to change the world...to help bring His Kingdom here on earth as it is in heaven.  And so I've set out to breathe light onto the streets of my community and change the face of African agriculture.  It looks nothing like I expected...more than I could have ever imagined...and yet ever different from the dreams of my heart.  It's living in this space...between the broken dreams and the new purpose...where the scriptures comes to life.

It's the place where I pick up my cross daily...

          ...to follow Him

Where I lose my life...

          ...only to be found

Where I seek first His kingdom...

          ...trusting the needed things will be given to me

And where I delight myself in Him...

          ...knowing He will give me the desires of my heart.

Traveon and Tyvon overlooking Lake Michigan

I wonder...will you meet me here?

Are you living in the unknown...the space in between...

standing on the edge of the cliff and staring out across the fog.







Sometimes there aren't easy answers...there is only choosing to press in, to live, breathe, touch and wrestle (with the scriptures)
   
          until they are not only true on the page...but have become true in your heart.

But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.  Matthew 6:33

Delight yourself in the Lord; And He will give you the desires of your heart.  Psalm 37:4

He's coming for you

Trying to introduce you to a relationship with Jesus is not the same thing as narrow-mindedly pushing my beliefs on you.  But I know sometimes it can come across that way.  And I'm sorry for the bad experiences you've had...with me...or other Christians...or the church.  I think the most devastating realization a true believer in Jesus Christ will ever have is if we come to find our actions have somehow led anyone further away from Christ.  I shudder the thought.

But the truth of the matter is...we probably have.  We're human...we're broken...we make mistakes.  The only thing that sets us apart is the fact that we've met the One...the only One...who covers all of our iniquities by His grace.

Evangelism is just one beggar telling another beggar where to find bread.  ~ D. T. Niles 

If I stop trying...I've stopped caring.  And I know you probably don't care -- and wish I would stop.  But. I. Can't.  Not as long as I have breath.

God created you -- for a purpose.

Above all -- to have a relationship with you because He loves you.

And nothing you've done...nothing...negates His endless pursuit of you.  

If you are...

     the poor...the downtrodden...the widow...the orphan...the abused...the passed by...the heartbroken.

If you are...

     the rich...the successful...the sufficient...the everyday normal...the girl next door.

If you are...

     the murderer...the liar...the secret sinner...the addict.

He's coming for you -- to set you free.  Free from sin -- free from the futile -- free from the aimless search to matter...to belong.

Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit who gives life has set you free from the law of sin and death. For what the law was powerless to do because it was weakened by the flesh, God did by sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh to be a sin offering. And so he condemned sin in the flesh, in order that the righteous requirement of the law might be fully met in us, who do not live according to the flesh but according to the Spirit.  Romans 8:1-4

And since He recruited me to His team...I'm coming too.*

Regardless of the walls you build - the resistance you give - your indifference and your mockery.

He's coming.

Because He loves you too much to stop.

For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.  Romans 8:38-39

*Fellow believers, let us invite the Holy Spirit into our evangelism efforts.  Being Jesus to one person might mean passing a book to an airplane seat companion in one instance and praying for a friend or laying out the Gospel in another.  It doesn't mean we need a bullhorn on a street corner.  Perhaps we should start every morning on our knees -- asking God to use us to reveal Himself to others as He sees fit...to our families...our co-workers...our neighbors...and strangers.  The only formula I know for evangelism...starts with prayer...follows the Holy Spirit...uses our obedience...and God shows up to do the work.  God is chasing His people...we are His mere instruments...let's not get this the other way around.

Our hands to play...

There are a few pivotal hands we'll be dealt in our lifetime...but it's up to us how we play them...if we choose to play them at all.

In the fall of 2006, on a plane headed westward, I returned from a foreign land with my heart completely rocked.  I had spent 10 days on the ground playing and loving the fatherless and orphaned.  At 30,000 feet in the air, I felt like I was ascending from the trenches…yet couldn't shake who i was leaving behind.  Not only the forgotten and abandoned...but the missionaries who had planted themselves there...in the hard places, among the least of these.  In a moment of revelation…I was dealt my pivotal hand...if those missionaries weren't there being the hands and feet of Jesus…who would be?  There wasn't a long line.

In a decision that seemed settled before the beginning of time...I offered the rest of my life to be used by my Heavenly Father…however He suited...in the hard places...on behalf of the least of these.

It was a decision that ultimately led me into neighborhoods I had previously never tread and into foreign lands I'd only read...but most importantly it led me closer to heart of the Father.

Some of us are born into a place of privilege...while others a place of struggle.  May I suggest our Heavenly Father knew exactly what He was doing when He planted you there?  There is a reason for your circumstances...healing for your heartache...and a home for your generosity...

There are purposes for your life that extend far beyond this earth and into the eternal.

But it's your hand...

How will you play it?

“Then the King will say to those on his right, ‘Come, you who are blessed by my Father; take your inheritance, the kingdom prepared for you since the creation of the world.  For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in,  I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.’

“Then the righteous will answer him, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink?  When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you?  When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?’

 “The King will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.'   

Matthew 25:34-40