Home Again

I stood in front of the picture that hangs above my fireplace tonight and soaked in the faces as they stared back at me. I didn't want them to penetrate my soul as deeply as they did...but that didn't stop them.

I had just gotten off the phone...from an incredibly exciting conversation regarding future ministry possibilities...yet when I hung up I almost instantly began to cry...weep really. And I had no idea why. There was such joy surrounding my soul...but it was laced with the weightiness of heartbreak...perhaps for the vast need that exists in the world...and probably fear...for God asking me to do something about it.

I guess it comes with the territory sometimes.

I spent 30 minutes driving up and down the streets of Rock Island last week with one of the boys, searching for his brother before church. A couple days later when I picked them up after school...I lovingly let him know I was less than impressed. This isn't the first time he has blown me off since I've been home.

"Remember the promise you made to me...that even when you got older and 'too cool' for church...that you would continue to come anyway." I nudged...

Looking me straight in the eye he responded..."Brandy...you were gone all year...that promise got old."

I didn't want his words to cut like a knife...but they did.

But because the kid has a heart the size of Texas and an understanding and interest in missions...I knew I had a leg to stand on.

"Tyvon I hardly abandoned you...I was doing missions for Jesus."

He let his head sink into his lap...and through a muffled and seemingly defeated...yet sincere voice came his response..."Yeah" he paused..."I know".

While he hid his face, I hid my tears.

It feels good to be back in the neighborhood, to walk into the youth center and see Sr. High boys who shouldn't care less that I'm back in town paint a smile across their face when they see me.

They shouldn't care...but they do.

Re-creating me

I'm having difficulty authoring what will be my last blog post to this site for awhile. As many of you have heard, I will be leaving in August for an 11 month mission trip - The World Race. As part of the experience, I will be keeping a blog - and I invite you on the journey by signing up to receive updates.

I went back and read through my first blog post, authored the first week I had joined Christian Friendliness. I remember the timid excitement I held - hopeful that one day I would know the neighborhood children who passed by my windows. The thought brought a smile. These days I rarely drive without my windows down, just in case I spot one of my littles along the streets - I can easily holler at them. And there is rarely a time when I don't recognize at least one.

God has been so very good to me in this ministry. My life is richer because of it.

The staff, kids and teens threw me a going away party tonight - and as I looked around the youth center through welled up tears...my heart was filled with praise. Praise for my Creator. Praise for calling me here. Praise for the work He did in me. Praise for the work He will continue to do.

And everything that’s new has bravely surfaced
Teaching us to breathe
What was frozen through is newly purposed
Turning all things green
So it is with You
And how You make me new
With every season’s change
And so it will be
As You are re-creating me
Summer, autumn, winter, spring

(Lyrics taken from Every Season, Nichole Nordeman)

in His arms

As I was making the rounds in the community signing kids up for camp...I saw "my boys" playing outside. I had been out of town the past two weekends for a training camp for an upcoming mission.

Before I could get out of the van, Tyvon threw his arms around me. "I thought you were gone for 11-months!" he declared. In the mind of a 4th grader, out of town for a couple weekends indicated that the trip had begun (despite my attempts to explain otherwise).

As his little arms clung to me...refusing to let go...my heart swelled...as I tried to explain the details once again. But after a few moments I realized that my efforts were fruitless...he was just happy to be in my arms.

Afterward I reflected on my relationship with God...and how similar a reunion I have felt. There are undeniably times in my life where God's presence is felt stronger than others...while I realize He never actually leaves or forsakes us (Hebrews 13:5). But in those moments...when I feel Him nearer...I cling tight...I press in...to the point I'm not sure I can make out his words anymore...I'm just happy to be in His arms.

Now I'm not suggesting that it is ever a good practice not to listen to our Father :) ...but I think it is ok...to cling tight...to press in...to be loved.

Watch what God does, and then you do it, like children who learn proper behavior from their parents. Mostly what God does is love you. Keep company with him and learn a life of love. Observe how Christ loved us. His love was not cautious but extravagant. He didn't love in order to get something from us but to give everything of himself to us. Love like that. Ephesians 5:1-2 MSG

There is a story

There was a journey...I had to take...all alone. The days were authored on my heart and captured in the privacy of my journal.

I recently attended a writer's conference and one of the speaker's advice in connecting your readers is to write from a transparent heart. But...she forewarned...you must be healed from the thing before you can write about it.

It nearly destroyed me.

It completely broke me.

But I journeyed.

I decided to error on the side of radical obedience.

It nearly destroyed me.

It completely broke me.

But I journeyed.

Somewhere along the way, I committed to live my life as an experiment of the sorts...on behalf of the Lord. I committed to live my life in radical obedience, surrendered to Him...and watch my days unfold.

He continually brings me back to a text...which is now inscribed on my heart...

Look at the nations and watch—
and be utterly amazed.
For I am going to do something in your days
that you would not believe,
even if you were told.
Habakkuk 1:5

He goes on in chapter 2...

Write down the revelation
and make it plain on tablets
so that a herald may run with it.

For the revelation awaits an appointed time;
it speaks of the end
and will not prove false.
Though it linger, wait for it;
it will certainly come and will not delay

I look forward to the day when I get to write the revelation down. I long for the appointed time.

There is a story being written...it is not my own.

Rainy Day Adventures

A rainy day and an afternoon free from school screams opportunity. A few phone calls and rain spotted clothes later, I’ve got a group of our ‘tougher’ girls circled up for a Bible study. They were engaged to varying degrees with the story of the woman at the well found in John 4. However, one girl was repeatedly distracted by her cell phone. As my impatience grew, I asked her to leave the group, but she took a few moments to explain the situation. Friends of hers had just conducted some form of robbery at a local grocery store and were now running from the cops and looking for an apartment to hide. As the girls discussed alternatives and which apartment was available, I sat in disbelief. Part of me literally could not process the irony of the situation. They were in the middle of a Bible study either stowing away criminals or they were lying; in order to excuse the use of the cell phone. I’m not sure which one I hoped for. Either way, they agreed to finish the study and go home directly afterward.

As I pulled into the complex, it was like a bad movie scene. Cops were surrounding the parking lot and officers were staked outside one of the girl’s apartment. My heart sank, confirming that I actually would have preferred that they had been lying. In a whirlwind they jumped out of the van and went to face the music. I lingered long enough to ensure they were ok and then reluctantly drove off.

As I pulled away, the earlier teachings of the Samaritan woman ran through my head. How often do we look to be filled by the ways of the world, only to be disappointed and need to be filled again? How often is the living water, the word of God, offered freely right before us, yet we reject it and dip our bucket back into the world again?

That night as I turned on the 10 o’clock news, I watched as the police escorted three individuals from the apartment, with their hands bound behind them, empty...once again.

Jesus answered, “Everyone who drinks this water will be thirsty again, but whoever drinks the water I give him will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give him will become in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life.” John 4:13-14

Please join me in praying for this group of girls. They are pulled by the world, yet continue to be intrigued by the truth.

“Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.” John 8:32

Maybe

The brutality of the crucifixion...the miracle of the resurrection.

Unappreciated...

or perhaps completely lost

to me anyway.

Until I looked...

(I mean really looked)

at the cross

from the foot

without separation

without distortion.

In an instant...there it was.

Had it been there all along?

How could I not have known?

How could you not have told me?

Grace...Amazing Grace

There for me?

Waiting...

and all I had to do was look...

and I was given new eyes

to see.

I've carried a quote with me in my thoughts since the night I watched Fireproof. It was captured in a conversation between the father character and his son...where the father admits..."The cross was offensive to me until I came to it."

Perhaps our view of the cross has been distorted from a distance...for many circumstances...and people...even churches...have gotten in the way of our view. But when we choose to sit at the very foot of the thing and gaze upon it for ourselves...maybe...just maybe...we'll start to see it for what it actually is...not what the world has done to it.

maybe it would become less offensive

maybe it would look like grace

maybe it would feel like love

flowing down

from the hands and feet

nailed to a tree

maybe it would cover you

as it covers me

maybe

The Secret is Out

She leaned over to whisper a secret to her big sister...“Guess what sissie...I gave my life to Christ today.” “That’s awesome!” Her sister exclaimed and her small, quiet voice continued...“yeah...we got forgiven from God.”

As I sat with the fourth grade twins in Bible study only a few hours earlier, one of them asked the question...“Do we have to get baptized to have our sins washed away?” I led into my best presentation of the Gospel and explained the difference between believing and accepting Jesus as your Lord and Savior and the purpose of getting baptized. When I got done, she excitedly asked...“Can we pray that prayer today?” Her twin echoed the desire. “Absolutely!” I said with a smile.

Each devotional we do ends with a prayer that I let the girls lead. As God’s timing would have it, that day the prayer box instructed: “If you have never trusted in Jesus as your Savior, you can do that right now.” “We just did that!” they exclaimed.

“Shhhhhhhh….but don’t tell anyone.” they whispered to their older sister.

“Why not?” she asked...

“Because WE want to!”