Open palm surrender

I have learned that praying to submit and actually submitting are two very different things. I had become very good at hanging onto those things that I wanted to keep, with tightly clenched fists...all the while praying to give them up. I picture God responding..."I'm not going to take them from you child...I'll patiently wait until you give them to me."

But His patiently waiting took the form of repeatedly teaching me the same lessons over and over again...until finally...with open palms...I released them.

Awhile ago, as sleep alluded me, I caught a Joni Eareckson Tada special on TV. For those of you who do not know her story, I encourage you to look her up, she's an amazing gem. She was left quadriplegic after a diving accident in 1967, leaving behind a 17 year old healthy, athletic body. Her story is inspiring, but her faith is astounding. Something that she said during the special never left me...it was her cry out to God from her hospital bed after the accident. If God claimed to be all loving, and use every circumstance for good...she was going to be his testing ground. For in her paralysis, she had nothing else to gain...than to test God's goodness, his purpose, his love, and completely surrender to his will.

You can imagine Joni will never claim to have led an easy life. But amazingly you will never hear her doubt God's love or purpose either. God uses her in amazing ways from the chair, in ways that she simply could not have be used on her legs. (Some may question did God do this to her? I personally don't at all believe so. But I do believe that God is willing to use the circumstances of a broken world...for good.)

I was moved by her surrender. Instead of choosing bitterness, she chose to believe. And isn't belief the first step towards willful submission? After some reflection, I realized that I was refusing to submit, because I was actually refusing to believe. Refusing to believe that what he had planned for me was greater than what I could create for myself...even in the areas I wanted desperately to control. So with open palms...I prayed again...

"Thank you child...I was just getting ready to pry." :)