I'm not sure I can recall a time that I've ever been more fearful as I was while I drove out to the lakehouse. I was on a mission...to "find God." And I was scared to death He wasn't going to meet me there.
When it became painstakingly obvious that I was standing smack dab in the middle of a faith crisis, those who love me advised me to take the break.
I felt like I was standing on a fraying rope in the middle of a hail storm. With the wind blowing uncontrollably around me. I closed my eyes...and rested my chin on my praying hands... "I won't let go unless you bless me." became my mantra.
The lakehouse is owned by the "adopted" (more later) parents of one of my co-workers. They open it up as a place for retreats to those they know in ministry. Therefore, it is very intentionally sprinkled with scripture and evidences of God. After a very emotional drive, with tears streaming down my face and my vocals weary from screaming at God...I arrived. In a huff...I made my way around, getting the lay of the land, turning up the heat, turning on the water, etc. As I busied myself about, the scriptures from the decor began to slowly speak. "Hmmm...looks like you decided to show up after all God." And my transformation began.
"Each of us needs an opportunity to be alone, and silent, to find space in the day or in the week, just to reflect and to listen to the voice of God that speaks deep within us. Our search for God is only our response to God’s search for us. God knocks at our door, but for many people, our lives are too preoccupied for us to be able to hear.” ~ Cardinal Basil Hume
Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened. Matthew 7:7-8
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