My CF Kids

My parents were up today to support a plant sale that we had for CF. I am grateful to steal a couple hours from them off the farm this time of year...especially on such a beautiful day! Saturday I got to put my farm roots to work with a few of my kids at Camp Summit for "camp work days" - preparing the grounds for summer camp. Witnessing the transformation of taking the kids out of their element and into God's is indescribable. For a day...they simply got to be kids. Picking up sticks, riding the Gator, going on a rescue mission for missing paddleboats...and most of all...laughing.

I was given a phone number in my first few days of CF and asked to call it for potential CF kids. The name sounded familiar but I couldn't place it. Both kids quickly became regulars at the center, a 5 year old girl and an 11 year old boy. It was this 11 year old boy…as we shared a canoe…that told me he had a march against violence today. Their mother was stabbed and killed in Rock Island on New Year’s Day.

I'm not sure why I was called to Children's Ministry as I don't feel that I'm best suited for this job. But then I live this story...and am utterly heartbroken...with God’s burden on my heart…to fuel another day.

The basketballs still bounce outside my window. Today less than a block from home, I slowed for kids in the street. "Miss Brandy...can I come to center Friday night?" I slowed for my CF kids.

Painted Faces

How we react when bad things happen...who do we blame...is God at fault? This was the theme of the message Friday night...so we put God on trial. I opened by asking the kids to share some bad things that had happened to them that were beyond their control. One by one...they started to share. A little hand flew up...“when my dad was arrested”...then another...“yeah...when my dad was locked up for doing really bad things”...“when my parents fight”...“when my family fights” My heart stopped for a moment...as things got real. Much reality for 9–12 year olds. In the end...even through it all...we found God innocent...we just have to learn to trust him. God changes and molds us during the times most trying.

I’m getting better with the kids. I’m staring to turn my initial reaction of reprimand into a crafty comment with a subtle grin. I looked over to find Aubrey getting worked up...scowling...threatening. Two weeks ago...I would have shouted from across the gym to knock it off. Today...I ran over...squatted down and in a funny voice asked “are you in need of an attitude check boy”... “don’t make me give you an attitude check”...the moment you break through that tough exterior and the slow grin begins to paint their face...yeah...that’s when it’s worth it.

Broken Out...Broke In

Some nights the words flow out more easily than others. Tonight I'm not sure there are words...not the right words anyway.

Virginia Tech is unsettling. So many fates sealed that day. So many lives cut short. In youth ministry, we are burdened to address the impact...questions...emotions...with our youth. What is the appropriate response when all you feel is heartbreak? As a Christian...panic ripples for those kids...as a Christian that took 27 years to find her place...what if they hadn't found theirs yet? These are the things I choose to give up to God...because the answers here on earth are beyond me. There is urgency in the gospel.

Tonight I informed one of the boys that he was not welcome back to the center next week because of his behavior. After I dropped him off he threw something at the van. I assumed it must have been a hand full of rocks as they seemed to be falling off the roof as I drove away. A loud crash thundered as I turned the corner from the complex...which brought me to reality. I'm not sure what I expected to see when I glanced over my shoulder...but a broken out window certainly wasn't it. Close to center...I pressed on...grateful there were not other kids in the van. It was an interesting night...officially broke in I guess. I gave my statement to the police...and solved the world's problems over a late night Wendy's drive-thru with Miss Ebony. What can I say...I'll save future behavior discussions for a phone call the next day. :)

Again

Being exhausted...and overwhelmed...if we’re not careful…can lead to paralysis. Paralysis...is the devil’s playground. The place where we convince ourselves that the job is too big to make a difference...the place we no longer believe we are equipped for the calling...the place where we give into doing nothing at all...for fear of failing if we do anything. I know something about paralysis.

I’ve recently learned to continually go the word...even when I don’t feel like it...to pray...when my heart is no longer in it...to wait...when I’m no longer patient. And in His unfailing way…in His time...He answers...slowly extends His hand...and helps you take your first step...again.

Many books have been written about youth ministry...prepared...rehearsed...you deliver your message...plan your event...and it fails miserably. With panic rising in your chest...kids staring and laughing...you are reminded of that embarrassing nightmare you had in high school...only you look down...and to your relief...you are in fact wearing pants...but this is reality...this is where you just want to run...to swear you will never do this to yourself again. But that book would never get published. They publish the book...when you get back on stage...when you learn to adapt...when you find your place...in your ministry...with your kids. They publish the book...when you can look back and say...I’m glad I did that to myself...again.

Personality and Potential

Meet Christopher...dripping with personality...
           High School Junior - Teen Staff

"A smile confuses an approaching frown." ~Author Unknown

...and Ebony...surfacing potential...
          High School Sophomore - Teen Staff

“Continuous effort - not strength or intelligence - is the key to unlocking our potential” ~ Winston Churchill

Where would you rather be?

Never have I had a moment of regret since entering this ministry...for I know this is where I am supposed to be...but I have had so many moments of brokenness. This past weekend finally seemed to unveil a new found peace...what I am doing is starting to make sense. My sacrifices...one by one are becoming easier to bear. While the kids are not letting me in the door yet...they are letting me peak in the windows of their lives.

Dieing a death to selfish ambition is not easy. Surrendering my own dreams...and trusting they will not only be replaced...but surpassed. It is hard not to look back and desire the small town farm life I envisioned...for inner-city ministry is a far cry from that picture. But while I do not understand God’s plans for my life...I know my own plans will seem minuscule in comparison.

Trust in the LORD with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;
in all your ways acknowledge him,
and he will make your paths straight.
Proverbs 3 5:6

I stumbled across a missions website that posed an interesting question:

Where would you rather be? Driving your dream car on your way home from a great job going to a beautiful house - while trying to avoid God. Or, yielding to the call and being surrounded by the peace that passes all understanding -- even if it means living a life of sacrifice.

Cars and jobs and houses aren't evil. And, God doesn't call everyone to be a missionary in some far-off land. But, He does call everyone to serve.

It sounds crazy to a lost generation, but following God leads to peace. Seeking personal, selfish pleasure is the most certain path to an unfulfilled, wasted life.
Don't settle for safety, boredom ... and, if the call to follow the Lord is ignored, regret.

(slightly modified from http://www.adventures.org/)

There is a Storyteller

A friend recently questioned my faith while we caught up over dinner. It was not presented in a demeaning way but instead as an outsider looking in...a curious skeptic. Skeptics have questions...I want to provide answers. By the time the check arrived...a challenge had been born...to uncover faith in another's eyes.

The wheels in my head started to spin. Where should I begin? What is the right approach? What worked for me? When suddenly a simple thought brought the wheels to a halt...start at the beginning.

So I assigned homework. Simply observe nature…all of the complexities...beauties and wonders of nature. Watch the clouds roll by...the sun, moon and stars rise and fall. Watch the river flow...the breeze blow. Hear the birds...smell the flowers...feel the rain. Watch today...rest tonight...watch again tomorrow. Grasp the recurrence of the universe.

A couple days after this arrangement was made, I was listening to a CD set another friend had loaned me and was struck by the following quote: "In short, I had always believed that the world involved magic; now I thought that perhaps it involved a magician. And this pointed a profound emotion always present and subconscious; that this world of ours has some purpose; and if there is a purpose, there is a person. I had always felt life first as a story: and if there is a story there is a Storyteller."

The Beginning

Friday night I had my first 4th-6th grade evening club. Slightly disheartened with only 4 on the pickup list, I eased the sunshine van away from CF. Yes these days I drive a 14 passenger van with a sunshine painted on the side of it...and to think I used to be so concerned with my image. :)

Armed with two teen staff and a first-time volunteer...I detoured through one of the housing complexes...a couple kids who had walked to the center last week because their phone wasn’t working on the back of my mind. Around the second corner...outside shooting hoops...their smiles worth a million bucks as they piled into the van. Motivation! We kept the windows rolled down and literally invited other groups of kids as we drove through. Exiting with a full van...we returned to the center for drop off so I could go after the kids on my list.

It was an awesome night! Basketball...smiles and fun...and a message based on Men in Black. I’m trying to learn how to be “hip” in my devotions and started using a “Videos that Teach” resource. It miraculously allowed me to play a Men in Black clip and talk about living in God’s world. God Bless creative people!

Taco Bell paid off. Miss Ebony accompanied me to church...and we spent the morning together...walls are coming down.

No matter how slow it starts...every story requires a beginning...and this one has officially begun.